What’s next?

3 Nov

I started doing research on this vague “syndrome” or “disease” that has apparently taken over my body now. All of the symptoms that kept repeating didn’t really happen to me. The being overweight, excess hair and uncontrollable acne. I did have some acne growing up, but then again so did my brothers…it was a hereditary gene and not necessarily from PCOS. I was so confused reading articles and other forums because everyone mostly struggled with these issues, while what was happening with my body was completely different. My experience is completely different, but not any less horrific. I was left even more hurt, confused and not really sure where to turn to.

I then started taking Glucophage (Metaphormin) everyday, twice a day. That was supposed to help regulate my period. My first period was good; it came at the right time. I didn’t get pregnant. My second period I missed. I missed it, but not only that, I wasn’t even in Kuwait to have them check up on me. I was in the U.S. visiting my family. I had a feeling I didn’t ovulate. I was having very painful cramps all month long, and then my period was late. I wasn’t pregnant. Something inside of me prayed in some miraculous way the doctor was going to jump up and tell me I’m pregnant. I even imagined it when I was sitting in the office uttering the words “I don’t think I ovulated”. My miracle didn’t happen. She did an ultrasound and said “your PCOD is misbehaving”. I couldn’t even move. I smirked inside of me because it was as if PCOD was an alien taking over my body and now it’s misbehaving. How do you mentally grasp that concept? I’m not sure where to begin.

Next treatment was clomid. She was going to push my body into creating that period that apparently should never come because I never ovulated. And then I will be taking clomid which should help me ovulate. I did a lot of research on the internet. Clomid apparently has had a lot of positive outcomes from it. A lot of women talked about how they had ovulated after taking it and some even got pregnant with twins. I day dreamed about that idea for a while. How lovely would it be to have twins? I never thought about it, but then again I know a lot of times the things we don’t think about are usually what end up happening to us. I made myself accept the concept of twins, and then began praying for it. I can’t wait to be pregnant.

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