Archive | February, 2013

Follitrope

27 Feb

Today is my first day of Follitrope. I don’t know how I feel. I’ve been waiting for today to come for a few weeks…and this month AF was really hard on me. It was soo slash still is soo painful. Heavy bleeding and stomach ache all the time don’t help either. I feel like I can’t move or go anywhere. My mood is really bad and I’m extremely cranky. I’m in one of those places where the cup is half empty. Crazy hormones? Maybe. Crazy mind? Maybe too lol. Just kidding. I’m just tired of doing this every single month. It’s exhausting emotionally and I’m trying really hard to be optimistic.

Appointment

24 Feb

I had my appointment about two hours ago and I must tell you it made my day. The cyst is barely there and the doctor said that we are ready to go for this next cycle! I am super excited to just be over this nightmare simply put. This cyst was just horrible to deal with and very painful. I am ready to move onto trying a new cycle…praying its the one that I ovulate in finally…after 9 months of not ovulating, I am ready to just have one regular cycle. I am doing follistrop once I get my period every other day for about 4 shots until I go back to see him for a check up. AF please come!! I beg of you I need you to start so I can have some happiness back in my life!

Catching Up

23 Feb

Yesterday was my last day of the progesterone pills and tomorrow is my appointment to see how everything is going in order to restart again. I’m so nervous I can’t explain…what if the cyst is still there? What if this month will be a bust again? Can I handle one more cycle being confused and upset? I just want one normal cycle that’s all! Where ovulation happens whether I get preggers or not. Ill tell you I’ve been so so so happy with the humongous boobs that come with these pills! I feel like I got breast implants! Well…after almost 8 months with no boobs due to low progesterone and ish this is like amazing for me…I missed those puppies. Anyways. I’m praying and hoping the bleeding cyst has gone to hell and that I will start AF in another one to two days (I hope) and I can start jacking up myself with hormones again. March is a beautiful month…mostly for my biased opinion since I’m born in March. I just feel so happy when spring comes along anywhere around the world (even in Kuwait!). Crossing fingers, praying this irritating block in the road is gone 🙂
Oh and can I add…has anyone gotten boils on their face from PCOS? I know sounds disgusting…but this is the second time I get a huge one on my chin. And it’s just so big an painful it’s unbelievable. The first time I got it 5 months ago I had no idea what it was I thought it was a pimple so I tried to pop it to relieve the pain and basically disfigured my face while doing so. So this time I knew exactly what it was and ran to get antibiotics. I really didn’t want to be taking antibiotics for the third cycle in a row of shots…it’s like antibiotics won’t let me be! And now thankfully it’s going down. What a nightmare…an I the only one that suffers from this?!

Please God

17 Feb

I took a look at the calendar and realized that he gave me 10 days of progesterone…which means that I should be finishing on the 21st and getting my period on the 22nd. I got really excited because that meant that I could start a gew days earlier than the 25th that we had talked about. So I called the doctor with all excitment discussing my possibility of starting earlier and our convo ended up with me starting later! I wanted to cry. .even though I know its for the best for me. Id rather start a few days later than start earlier and have a failed cycle all over again. Its my cyst thats suffocating me again. When we talked he told me it should take a few days for me to get my period but since I got my period last month on the 28th now he wants me to take the pills for 12 days now so that I get my period around 27/28. At this point ill be waiting a lifetime so im just gonna have to get over it. We went to visit my husbands grandma yesterday and I got the old ‘are you pregnant yet?!’ ofcourse with her fully not knowing that I have some issues im dealing with. I literally wanted to cry. And then she asked again and my husband finally came in to save me by saying no I dont want her getting pregnant now with me appkying to schools…im still young, so a little later we will. And her sitting for 10 minutes trying to convince him how we should still try so we can grow old with our children and at that point I wanted to die. Because what she didnt know is that nothing in this world would make us happier than starting our own family, what she doesnt know is that I yearn every single second of every single day to have my little love bug that is made up of my husband and I growing in my little belly. What she doesnt know is that im going through hell and back, and all those times I keep leaving my husband to travel to the states to visit my family really wasnt just to visit them; but for me to recieve treatment. What she doesnt know is that im dying inside every second that she continues to try and convince us because thats the last thing we need. Im broken, I feel it with every inch of my body and I kept falling deeper into the couch as she continued to talk while I feel as if im the one to blame. Im the bad guy here. No more fingers pointed at me please. This is the most dreadful road one can go through. Please god give me a mini me and my hubby…theres nothing more amazing than that.

Progesterone is my new acquaintance

12 Feb

soo…I went for a follow up the day before yesterday to see how my cyst was and if there were any big enough follicles. The good news is that the cyst is way down! Went from 6cm to 2.5 so the pain is much better..but he didnt see any follicles so he put me on progesterone for 10 days and then well restart after then. He told me that we will most likely do a different medicine with every other day instesd of everyday, but based on that timeline it gives me about 8 days of shots. Only 8 shots? Doesnt seem like it will be enough to make me ovulate but im trying so hard to trust him. I am kind of putting my hopes into march for a proper ovulating cycle. I am almost wanting to email her now to set up an appointment but I dont want to rush it and look stupid. Deep down inside I pray that next month will miraculously work and I wont have to worry about dc except for a follow up. Otherwise keeping busy reading and heading currently to the airport to see my mom who is visiting Qatar so its a nice 2 day break to be with her and a few friends. My birthday is coming up around the time of shots…March 2nd to be exact and im not sure how I feel about that. Its too bittersweet…I was hoping id be pregnant by this birthday, I also wont be around any of my family and friends which sucks, and I will be shooting myself up with fsh at the time. Anywhoo…what doesnt kill you makes you stronger. Its funny to think of an fsh shot as my birthday present to myself lol. Life goes on…and a good amount of my fellow bloggers are pregnant and I am so so so happy and excited for them. Cant wait to join the boat with you all. I pray that I only read good and happy blogs for everyone. Keep the eggs comin’!!

Cyst..One big ass cyst that is suffocating my life

3 Feb

I went for my follow up today after 5 injections done at home. I had a lot of pain on my left side, but didnt write about it until I found out what was going on. I thought it was a little swelling in my left ovary and that it wasnt a big deal. When I walked in I told him just so u know ive been having my period on and off, I dont know whats going on. I hadnt even told him about the pain. He told me okay lets do an ultrasound. As soon as he started I saw a huge black thing in the middle of my uterus. Was it a baby sac? Nope…it was the biggest cyst I had ever seen. He told me that there is nothing happening on my right side, so not enough meds to induce any ovulations, and my left..well…he couldnt even see it from my cyst. He told me we must stop treatment right away and wait for the cyst to disappear. He said thats so weird, through all my years of doing this ive never seen an ovary react that way. And he kept saying it so it freaked me out. He said lets check up again after a week to see how the cyst is doing, and if by any chance there are one or two follicles growing on the left side. Truth? I dont think anything is happening on the left if there isnt on the right. Truth? This sucks ass. I really was looking forward to one normal month. Just normal. Now im in excruciating pain and this cycle is a bust. I just want one cycle when im not waiting more than 3 weeks to restart. Im just really hurt and struggling with it all.