Please God

17 Feb

I took a look at the calendar and realized that he gave me 10 days of progesterone…which means that I should be finishing on the 21st and getting my period on the 22nd. I got really excited because that meant that I could start a gew days earlier than the 25th that we had talked about. So I called the doctor with all excitment discussing my possibility of starting earlier and our convo ended up with me starting later! I wanted to cry. .even though I know its for the best for me. Id rather start a few days later than start earlier and have a failed cycle all over again. Its my cyst thats suffocating me again. When we talked he told me it should take a few days for me to get my period but since I got my period last month on the 28th now he wants me to take the pills for 12 days now so that I get my period around 27/28. At this point ill be waiting a lifetime so im just gonna have to get over it. We went to visit my husbands grandma yesterday and I got the old ‘are you pregnant yet?!’ ofcourse with her fully not knowing that I have some issues im dealing with. I literally wanted to cry. And then she asked again and my husband finally came in to save me by saying no I dont want her getting pregnant now with me appkying to schools…im still young, so a little later we will. And her sitting for 10 minutes trying to convince him how we should still try so we can grow old with our children and at that point I wanted to die. Because what she didnt know is that nothing in this world would make us happier than starting our own family, what she doesnt know is that I yearn every single second of every single day to have my little love bug that is made up of my husband and I growing in my little belly. What she doesnt know is that im going through hell and back, and all those times I keep leaving my husband to travel to the states to visit my family really wasnt just to visit them; but for me to recieve treatment. What she doesnt know is that im dying inside every second that she continues to try and convince us because thats the last thing we need. Im broken, I feel it with every inch of my body and I kept falling deeper into the couch as she continued to talk while I feel as if im the one to blame. Im the bad guy here. No more fingers pointed at me please. This is the most dreadful road one can go through. Please god give me a mini me and my hubby…theres nothing more amazing than that.

6 Responses to “Please God”

  1. lamentingthelentil February 17, 2013 at 5:55 pm #

    oh, grandparents. they mean so well. my grandfather keeps telling me he can’t wait to see my pregnant. it’s the worst. because not only is it a reminder of what you don’t have, but you also somehow feel guilty (at least I do), that i’m unable to grant this sweet wish for my sweet grandpa. so sad!

    • bloggerkuwait February 18, 2013 at 9:31 am #

      Exactly…it just hurts and they have no idea what theyre doing unfortunately *sigh*

  2. Isabel February 23, 2013 at 4:14 pm #

    Ugh! I know exactly how you feel. The dreaded “When are you going to have babies” question. It’s amazing how sometimes people have no clue at all. It’s even worse when the comments are from family members. I just want to hide for cover whenever the topic comes up.

    • bloggerkuwait February 23, 2013 at 10:24 pm #

      Omg. Hide under a huge blanket all the time! I’m so thankful to atleast have you all in my world…people who understand exactly what it means to be infertile at any age!

  3. needbabydee February 26, 2013 at 12:59 pm #

    Oh, hun, we will finally get to answer that question of “Are you pregnant yet” with “yeah, I’m due in…” Just hang in there, we’re all going to have those questions answered positively, soon 🙂

    • bloggerkuwait February 27, 2013 at 2:38 pm #

      I pray so much for all of us! Thank you xx

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