6 Mar

I’ve been quiet for a while because ive been trying to gather my thoughts on how i feel. I have mixed emotions. I feel overwhelmed yet at the same time calm and collected. For the first time im not holding my breath too much on this month, yet at the same time i am. I don’t know if any of you get what i’m saying, but i’m sure to any sane person i would sound absolutely insane. Ever since i had my cyst, i have not be hoping too much for a positive outcome this month. I have been eating junk food and occasionally taking a few puffs of hookah when my husband smokes. My issue is, once i follow the rules to the T…once this cycle fails again i will be even at a lower low, and i just am barely holding myself up into being positive this month. I have had my small bouts of insanity through the shots…but overall i have been pretty calm, cool, and collected. I had a small scare with pain on my right side after 2 shots, and rushed into the doctors office for an emergency ultrasound check for any huge fuck my life circles on the screen. Best of all, it was on my birthday..and i was pretty convinced that this month is a bust. It kind of really hurt me. But just kind of because remember i am still playing the i dont give a shit card. Anyways, i ran in…and his face dropped, like are you fucking kidding me i hate your ovaries now kind of face drop and said to me ‘Are you joking?’. No. I wasn’t. Did ultrasound…and everything was okay! Today was my check up after 4 shots…everything looked normal and he gave me three more shots and he will be seeing me again on saturday. Is this the month that i might actually ovulate?! Finally?! I had a small breakdown in the car on the way there because i was just so overwhelmed with fear and anxiety that yet another bump in the road might occur. Like now im just screaming- Universe….don’t want to give me a baby yet?! FINE! But just give me a normal cycle i beg of you! Like that is it, much to ask? I dont think so. Either way, i’m putting all my faith into god. I know when the right time happens it will…yet at the same time i can’t help but feel natural human emotions of anxiety, fear, and hope. Either way…Saturday will tell more, and i will be receiving supposedly a trigger shot. Have any of you had one? I heard they hurt, but this is the first time i ever get one *I hope* so i am anxious to know what its like. If any of you have any experiences with the trigger shot..please share! πŸ™‚

8 Responses to “Update”

  1. springchicken2 March 6, 2013 at 6:13 pm #

    I’m also not fully sane and I completely understand the hopeless hopefulness!

    I just did my 4th trigger shot an hour ago in the pharmacy parking lot. They hurt, but not that much. Don’t be scared. It burns a little sometimes, but it’s really not too bad! For me each one has been a little different too. One of them left me with a big tender bruise for a week, and the last cycle it was nothing… Good luck!! I’m really hoping this will be your cycle to ovulate (and get pregnant of course)!

    • bloggerkuwait March 8, 2013 at 8:45 am #

      Thanks for sharing girl! I’m glad to hear that it doesn’t hurt as much. So happy you just took yours…keep us updated with what happens…the dreaded TWW, I hope it flies by and you get a happy ending πŸ™‚

  2. Lauren March 7, 2013 at 12:52 am #

    I’m so glad to hear from you again! Today was my last day of BC pills, and I should go in for baseline-type ultrasounds and blood tests on Monday morning. After having last month’s cycle cancelled, I completely understand the emotional detachment of hoping…but not hoping. Hang in there!
    Wow! I’m so glad you didn’t have a cyst again. Try to relax and just be (I thought I should use the trite phrase that I’m told all of the time). After three years of this process, I usually ignore the “restrictions” that make me insane. It didn’t help the first three years, right? Anyway, I have had two trigger shots and don’t think they are really much worse than normal stimulation injections. In the big scheme of things, the trigger shot is pretty minor πŸ™‚ LOL! However, be prepared for a lot of pregnancy symptoms to start after you do the trigger. Sore, big nipples. Hungry. Sensitive to smells. Not hungry. Tired. Not tired. Unpredictable πŸ™‚
    Praying that this unpredictable month gives us both good news!

    • bloggerkuwait March 8, 2013 at 8:48 am #

      Omg are you excited to start again? I know you’re going to start a very tough month…but I know you can do it..and I pray it’s the last tough thing you’ve got to do to have your sweet baby. I’m really excited for you! And I agree completely about depriving yourself of the stuff you crave…I just can’t do it anymore it hurts too much at the end when nothing happens…I thought might as well indulge just a little bit right? πŸ™‚ I also am really not happy that we will get pregnant symptoms from the trigger shot…what’s worse than having pregnancy symptoms? Is having them when you’re not pregnant! And then can’t test for like at least 10dpo right??

      • Lauren March 8, 2013 at 12:35 pm #

        Right. It takes a while for the trigger shot to get out of your system. The trigger is the same hormone that pregnancy tests are trained to detect (hcg). Are you about to trigger? So excited!
        I’m waiting for AF to show. However, it may not the nurse said. I’m not sure what that means, but I’m hoping it doesn’t affect anything.

      • bloggerkuwait March 8, 2013 at 12:52 pm #

        My period hasn’t come every month I didn’t ovulate…so since you’re hormones and cycle is all off it just doesn’t show! If it doesn’t, they will most likely give you a mediation to take for 5 days and then after around 3-5 days AF will come. Don’t worry. No, I haven’t triggered yet…I’m seeing the doc tomorrow to see how my follicles are growing. If they cycle is done right and around 3-4 follicles are big enough then we will trigger. Not holding my breath though because I know it’s very very difficult to get the right amount of follicles to grow at the right size. I’m just playing the waiting game and seeing. Don’t worry if you don’t get AF, just make sure you have them give you the medicine to push it to come.

      • Lauren March 8, 2013 at 12:55 pm #

        Thanks for the encouragement. I’ve been on medication that supposedly should do that. Wednesday morning was my last pill, so maybe I’m just not quite patient enough. Lol πŸ™‚
        I found on my iui cycle in fall that it was amazing how fast the follicles seemed to grow at last minute. Hoping that happens in your case too! My problem was that I had seven big ones which was too many because I don’t want to do fetal reduction. Oh the fine line we walk!

      • bloggerkuwait March 8, 2013 at 1:03 pm #

        Exactly! I’m scared of a canceled cycle. Oh well, all we can do is pray! Well just play it by ear. Just be patient your AF should come πŸ™‚ super excited for you!!

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