To test or not to test?

30 Apr

Thank you for all the wishes everyone sent my way in my last post- it really made me feel so much better when I read each one. Today I am 4dp5dt and I’m already itching for POAS…but….utterly utterly terrified of the outcome. I was suppose to go get pregnancy tests yesterday but I chickened out and said I’d wait one more day. So…maybe I will test at 5dp5dt and we will see from there. My beta will be on next Monday since I didn’t have any HCG in me. When I had my retrieval they were too terrified to give me any incase of hyper stimulation. So everything I’m analyzing and feeling is the high amount of progesterone I’m using? The estrogen? Was it there before? I’ve had no implantation bleeding and I check every. Single. Time. I. Pee. Nothing. Nada. I’m too scared, and everytime I think about it I have an anxiety attack. What if its negative? Everything I’ve done and gone through has been for a waste. How will I afford another transfer? I can’t do another round of IVF hubs isn’t here and can’t come here again! I can’t stay for another 2 months more…his family is already frustrated that I’ve been gone for so long away from him…thinkin we have some marital issues…but only if they knew that we didn’t and its just for us to have our baby. I’m just too scared. Can’t do it.

6 Responses to “To test or not to test?”

  1. hopingonhope April 30, 2013 at 6:59 pm #

    First.. relax.. this unwanted stress is not needed.
    And secondly, when you have no control over the outcome, why worry. Everything will be as it is meant to be. Have some faith. You have come so far, gone through so much, of course the best will only happen.

    • bloggerkuwait May 1, 2013 at 5:39 pm #

      You’re so right! Thanks for checking me back into reality. I need to have more faith, I can’t keep stressing it. Thank you 🙂

  2. Fertility Doll April 30, 2013 at 7:53 pm #

    I really hope this is your time. Kun Faya Kun. Keep faith, make dua and go test when you’re ready. Sending you a big hug.

    • bloggerkuwait May 1, 2013 at 5:40 pm #

      You’re right, Kun fa yakun…I need to have faith again, sometimes when we get really overwhelmed we lose a little bit of faith. Thank you for your words habeebti ❤

  3. Lauren May 1, 2013 at 12:12 am #

    Oh, honey! I’m so sorry that there are family frustrations involved as well. We have told my husband’s family in bits and pieces so that they would understand more my “weird” behaviors. We also want their prayers. Still, they are pretty amazing, and I wouldn’t trust most people with what I’ve trust them with. I feel very blessed to be in that position. I’m sorry this is so hard in so many ways.

    I would hold off testing as long as possible. It was just discouraging for me. Granted I continued to get negatives, but it was an emotional roller coaster I didn’t need to ride. I would wait until at least 6dp5dt one way or the other. I feel that I’ve read that often IVF patients won’t get even faint positives until then.

    Try to take this process one step at a time. I’m praying you don’t need another round, but let’s try to trust that there will be a way if that is what is needed. I am hoping desperately for a sticky bean this time around! You can be a couple of months ahead of me 🙂

    Hugs!

    • bloggerkuwait May 1, 2013 at 5:44 pm #

      Well… My PIL know everything- and are so sweet and understanding, but my husband comes from a really big family, like maybe 20 cousins on each side and countless aunts and uncles- and we just can’t have them know our situation so it seems a bit fishy to them you know? And it bothers me when you’re going through a trying time that brings you closer but people around you think something is wrong!
      Anyways- I’ve been thinking about you and praying for your grandpa- he’s in peace and def watching over you and your future baby to be! Thank you for all your sweet words and constantly being an amazing support system- I wish to be the same for you during this really difficult time. Chin up girl 🙂 hopefully our babies will be a few months apart!

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