9 May

*This is a pregnancy related post. If you are in a bad place please feel free to skip*

My first beta came in on Monday at 577. My second beta came in today at 1,192. So far, the baby looks alive and thriving. I know I’m not out of the woods yet, ofcourse. When I spoke to the nurse today about when it will be possible for me to travel back to my husband, she told me technically speaking that I can travel anytime, but that it’s best to stay until 8 week ultrasound because according to her if I were to have a miscarriage it would be most likely during that time, and that if it was ectopic that they would find out by then too. Thanks for putting that in my head because I hadn’t even thought about ectopic, but it made me run into panic mode because I felt some sharp pains on my right side yesterday. And then she said- if it was ectopic your numbers would rise and then remain steady. Thank you, because that means my numbers today would mean nothing if this baby got stuck in my Fallopian tube. I can’t ease this anxiety I have, and now I completely understand every woman on this blog that has become pregnant. I can’t shake the fact that this is not a normal pregnancy and that I will continue to wonder what is happening with this baby. I will not get to see my husband for another month, and while its for an amazing reason, it’s also so difficult not having him here to help me through this panic mode attack that happens every five seconds. I am still careful, there will be no new category of pregnancy, until i know everything is fine (yeah right, will i ever believe it?). Faith. I keep just reminding myself about faith…and constantly pray that this baby has found it’s home for the next nine months.
I didn’t have sore boobs this whole time- and so I was worried today’s beta would be too low. I know they say every pregnancy is different…but somehow I have this crazy idea that if symptoms aren’t as intense as they say, this baby is in an awful place. Well, tonight the sore boobs kicked in full force…I felt like I got punched in my boobs about 5 times. And the nausea…oh my god. I crave something…and as soon as I put a bite in my mouth I get this awful feeling in my stomach like I am about to throw up. I am a wuss when it comes to throwing up. I’ve thrown up about 5 times in my life and they were torturous for me (mainly because I have acid reflux, so I found out later that it is far more painful for me than others). God please, I don’t want to burn my esophagus. Till today…I’m alive and baby is still inside. Till today I have faith that what is best will happen. Till today I kneel down on my knees and thank God five times a day for the gift he’s giving me. Till today, I pray for you all my friends, my wonderful supportive friends.

12 Responses to “Betas”

  1. hopingonhope May 9, 2013 at 11:05 am #

    That is a very good Beta. And dont worry about ectopic, keep all negative thoughts out. I will be honest here and say something I learnt from experience, cherish everyday and every min of this pregnancy. Not everyone in our community gets this joy so enjoy it. Keep all negative thoughts and energy at the door. Fingers crossed for a smooth sailing pregnancy for you.

    • bloggerkuwait May 9, 2013 at 3:33 pm #

      Thank you Hun! Definitely trying to take it in and enjoy it. It’s very hard when you constantly think something will go wrong. Inshallah khair. I hope you’re doing well, I think of you often!

      • hopingonhope May 9, 2013 at 4:22 pm #

        I am doing well, coping and regaining health. I am no longer TTC so I actually feel good.

      • bloggerkuwait May 11, 2013 at 1:53 am #

        I’m glad you’re in a good place right now honey, I know it could be so dofficult. Enjoy this time off you have…sometimes we really need it.

  2. maternalstateofmind May 9, 2013 at 2:57 pm #

    So, I dont want to announce on my blog quite yet, since I havent even gotten my beta back and I have a few friends that follow it. BUT, YES! I’ve tested the last 3 days and got TWO pink lines each day! I think im actually prego! I can’t believe it!

    Such a scary time, though, right? You want to get excited, but also know you need to be cautious since it’s so early!?

    • bloggerkuwait May 9, 2013 at 3:01 pm #

      Omg I’m SOOO happy for you!! Congratulations Hun! That is amazing!
      Yes it is the most terrifying time of your life. First, we were terrified that we would never get pregnant, and then after IVF we are terrified that something horrible is going to happen! It seems like you and I are only a few days apart though ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m glad to have found you! Goodluck on beta Friday…crossing my fingers for huge numbers!

      • maternalstateofmind May 9, 2013 at 3:22 pm #

        Thank you! ๐Ÿ™‚ Happy to have found you too! We can stick together on this crazy journey!

        P.S. I cant believe you have to spend so much time away from your hubby! Where are you/Is he? That breaks my heart for you!

      • bloggerkuwait May 11, 2013 at 1:52 am #

        I know- its been so crazy! I live in Kuwait with my husband- and originally lived here so when I would come visit my family I would go to see the fertility specialists. My husband came here right when I started IVF and was able to stay up until the day of the embryo transfer…he left that night. It’s been so hard without him…but when you want a baby you forego a lot of things that make you comfortable and happy. I hope we will be reunited soon (and for a happy reason) ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. lamentingthelentil May 9, 2013 at 6:27 pm #

    Oh, yay! Beautiful number, my friend. I must be a weirdie, but I loved the sore boobs and nausea because of what they meant. I doubt I would have said that if they lasted more than a week, but I loved feeling sick and in pain for those few short days!!

    • bloggerkuwait May 11, 2013 at 1:55 am #

      I’m so sorry honey, I hadn’t realized that you had a miscarriage. I had to go through your history and read what had happened. I’m happy you’re in a better place now and (crossing fingers!) IUI work this time for you!
      As much as the symptoms are annoying- they’re also so reassuring in a weird way!

  4. needbabydee May 12, 2013 at 7:19 am #

    That’s an amazing Beta. And as hopingonhope said “keep all negative thoughts out”, I agree sweety. This is a time for you to be on top of the world!! ๐Ÿ™‚ ๐Ÿ˜‰

    “Where Faith Exists, Fear Cannot Dwell”

    Take care hun!!!!

    • bloggerkuwait May 13, 2013 at 2:13 am #

      I love that quote! And everytime I hear it it lets me calm down! You’re so right xoxo

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