Really? Really?!

16 May

Today, I was furious…and for me, I think it was for a very good reason. I come from a small family, a few aunts or uncles on each side of my family. My husbands family on the other side, consists of at least 13 aunts or uncles on each side, and as much as that is so wonderful and amazing, they are all tight knit, and once anyone finds out anything, the rest do too. I admire their relationships, and sometimes envy them for that. My parents side of the family aren’t that close, and have had a lot of problems over the years. When we spoke to my husbands parents and told them about the pregnancy early on, they had been on this journey with us and we couldn’t wait to let them know. My parents, have kept the news hush from anyone and everyone. Only one grandma and cousin know, the rest don’t even know we are going through IVF. My husbands mother is religious, and doesn’t like lying ect…and as much as I respect that, the unfortunate news of our pregnancy has been spilled. Aunts on both ends cornered her to find out why I have been missing for so long(as they suspected pregnancy) and she tried really hard to beat around the bush but apparently it got to a point where she had to lie, and she couldn’t. So she told them. I had a complete hysteric breakdown today yelling and screaming at my husband (which I know didn’t have anything to do with it, but who else was I going to yell at?) at how this moment has been stolen away from me. This is NOT how it was suppose to happen! I did NOT want to share the news with his fertile family members! After being pricked and prodded, anesthetized and having puncture wounds, I deserve the right to have this terrifying news kept between immediate family until we know everything Is ok. I can’t overcome the angry and anxiety I have inside of me because of what has happened. And while I know this all seems horrendous to most of you, unfortunately in Arab culture this is all normal and Typical. People don’t know boundaries, and quite frankly don’t care for them either. We havnt even had our 6 1/2 week ultrasound to make sure our baby is VIABLE to go around announcing this pregnancy! I am horrified, and while I know it wasn’t done on purpose or maliciously, I just can’t help but be so angry inside of me. Don’t we just LOVE being a part of an Arab family!

11 Responses to “Really? Really?!”

  1. tazdream May 16, 2013 at 9:01 pm #

    Totally understandable chooky! Rant away!!!!!! I only wish i had had enough balls to do that 13 yrs ago when my mum told all n sundry about my pregnancy. 3 yrs later i was confronted by the bank manager asking me how i liked motherhood-mum had told him too! So embarrassing for him n i! Let it out!!!!!

  2. Fertility Doll May 17, 2013 at 6:38 am #

    The problem is that you might tell others with the best intentions but you can’t control their tongues. Coming from a Pakistani family, I think I’d keep it from my mum lol She’d tell the world!

    • bloggerkuwait May 20, 2013 at 1:11 am #

      Yes! How can you not though? It’s so hard not to tell parents. Oh well, we have to pay the painful price I guess lol

  3. Lauren May 18, 2013 at 4:38 pm #

    I’m so sorry, honey. I had a similar situation happen last time…but at work. My employer knew and leaked the news. I forgave her, but it was hard to then have to tell everyone I was miscarrying. In the end, it was probably for the best because I had their support and didn’t have to explain why I felt so terrible at work everyday. Still, I am so sorry that this precious moment has been stolen from you.

    As I think about it, I have had a lot of anger over the feelings of so many precious moments being stolen. Infertility treatments takes away your privacy and your intimacy. I don’t know another way around this. However, I am praying that it will be more than made up for when we treasure our children even more when we have them.

    Love you!

    • bloggerkuwait May 20, 2013 at 1:14 am #

      It’s true. It steals so much from you. I’m so sorry you had to go through that, you never wrote about it. It’s just difficult when you want to keep things private for a bit but you cannot. It’s frustrating and it makes you more angry and bitter at the world. What can I say, the way we have changed due to infertility doesn’t allow us to go through the regular day to day things that other ttc or pregnant women do. Sometimes I envy, sometimes I’m angry, but it also could be due to our crazy fluctuating hormones (whether preggers or not).
      Hang in there honey. You’re almost there! I’m countin down the days with you ❤ you!

  4. prettycuteovaries May 18, 2013 at 7:03 pm #

    Oh, honey! I am so sorry this moment was stolen from you! 😦 I’m struggling with telling anyone right now as well. Hubby wanted to tell our parents, and we did tell his, but I’m hesitant to tell my own mom because I know she has a big mouth! It just makes me angry that this moment was taken from you. Like Lauren said, infertility steals so many moments from us already.

    Just try to focus on what’s important right now…. YOU ARE PREGNANT! And that is AMAZING! And while they can maybe steal those moments, they cannot steal THAT from you!

    Much love, friend!!!

    • bloggerkuwait May 20, 2013 at 1:15 am #

      Oh friend, thank you for your words. Do you know I cringe when I read that? That I’m pregnant? I cringe because I’m so terrified of what could be the outcome of that. Thank you for your sweet words, and yes it’s terrible when you feel like something special like that has been stolen away. Tell your mom when you are ready. I am just so happy for you all the time! Xoxo

      • prettycuteovaries May 30, 2013 at 11:00 pm #

        I understand being terrified! But you are doing great! All we can do is take it one day at a time. Hang in there, friend! You’ve got this 🙂

      • bloggerkuwait May 31, 2013 at 11:02 pm #

        Thank you friend, you too 🙂 in it together!

  5. maternalstateofmind May 20, 2013 at 2:03 am #

    Oh man, I am so so sorry. You have every right to be angry. When we told hubby’s mom of our pregnancy last week and we reminded her not to tell. She said, “don’t worry, I haven’t told anyone you were going through IVF, except for the people that had to know.” When she said, “had to know,” she was talking about the people at her church. In other words, NO ONE that actually HAD to know! I’m sure she’s telling them of the pregnancy now as well. Family can be a double-edged sword through times like this!

    • bloggerkuwait May 20, 2013 at 4:13 am #

      Hahaha! I love that, only people that need to know. I love our parents and in laws finding out about our pregnancies, but sometimes they just don’t get how important this is to us. Most of them haven’t experienced infertility, and don’t get that while this is a happy time, it’s also so so so scary beyond words, and letting the world know makes us feel like we’re jinxing it. I wish sometimes they realized how big of a deal it is for us. Sigh.

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