Mini Ultrasound & Coming up Ultrasound

20 May

Ultrasound day is coming up. The dreaded/most looked forward to date by far. I just can’t get myself together for it. I feel like my nerves are falling apart all over the place, if that even makes sense. I don’t know what to do, half the time I want to cry, and half the time I just daydream about the outcome, but I can’t seem to shake the idea of something going terribly wrong. Most of you that have kept up with me know, that my husband is not here for any of this. I will beg my doctor to FaceTime him into seeing our first ultrasound (yet, it wasn’t really, and ill explain further down), yet at the same time I panic about face timing him and then seeing things go terrible wrong. What would I do? I wouldn’t be able to look him in the eye (camera, damn it!!!).
Let me explain why this isn’t my first ultrasound. When I went in for my third beta, I had pain on my right side, like I told you guys before, and so I panicked. I thought that I definitely am having an ectopic pregnancy. I mean, that would explain the early HCG in my system right? Like if My embie was too lazy to make it all the way down or got lost, it would stick right away in my tube, and that is why I got an early BFP! Anyway…my crazy thoughts got to me and I told them what’s happening, and even though they thought that it might just be cysts, they did an ultrasound to double check. I wasn’t ready for it, the big oooh and aaahh wasn’t gonna happen this time, no one was with me and I def wasn’t going to ask them to FaceTime hubs for it. But guess what? We saw the little embie. And then another black circle next to it too. What does it mean? Too early to tell, but the ultrasound technician def didn’t think this was ectopic. Phew! One crazy thought down, 7,000 more to go. What to do now? Not sure. I have 2 weeks left here. I’m suppose to have my “8th” week ultrasound on the 31 (if god forbid nothing happens terribly) an then I will be on my way back to Kuwait on the 1st. No offense to Kuwait, my husband is Kuwaiti, and he knows how apprehensive I am about going there. When I was googling best doctors in Kuwait- a story came up of a couple that was told that they have an ectopic pregnancy that they must abort immediately, and that was by the head of the department, and then when they got a second opinion they found out that it wasn’t true. Tell me I’m suppose to feel semi safe there. The fact that my fertility specialist never did ONE blood test on me to find out that I have too low of estrogen and progesterone to even get to ovulating properly and that is why I got my period before I even got to ovulate. And that was a RE. A specialist. Fuck my life, and please pardon my language. Lovely. Anyways, sadly, I don’t get all the luxuries you guys get here, and I don’t even know if I will be able to give birth here (if this pregnancy continues) which sucks. If there is anything that we do right here- it’s the doctors. They are amazing. I knew that if my insurance didn’t come through for IVF and we did it in Kuwait (which we discussed because its cheaper) I would DEF be in the hospital, no doubt about it. The picture of the ultrasound is below. Thoughts on what this little extra black dot there are welcome 🙂


5 Responses to “Mini Ultrasound & Coming up Ultrasound”

  1. hopingonhope May 20, 2013 at 3:12 pm #

    Could be baby #2?

  2. redbluebird May 20, 2013 at 5:14 pm #

    I’m no ultrasound pro, but maybe it’s twins! I totally understand your fears, and hope some of them are put to rest at your ultrasound on the 31st. Also, if you ever question your doctor’s decisions, don’t be afraid to get a second opinion!

  3. Fertility Doll May 20, 2013 at 6:08 pm #

    I’m thinking twins too! All you can do us take it a day at a time.

  4. Eggs&Hope May 20, 2013 at 7:10 pm #

    Aw Hun, try to keep positive if you can and just take it one day at a time. Good luck! X

  5. A Morning Grouch May 21, 2013 at 2:06 pm #

    Oh my! Hang in there and I hope all works out for the best. Keep us posted…

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