Let me tell you something

1 Sep

This post isn’t about pregnancy. This post is about my anger, hurt & frustration that I’ve had for over 6 months now. This pain is all caused by someone I used to call my best friend. MY best friend! She has become a stranger, someone that I don’t know nor do I speak to anymore. And this pain keeps me up a lot at night. There have been months that have gone by when I’ve forgotten completely about her, and then something so small will remind me of this friend I used to have, and my world starts crashing down. I become depressed, sad & nothing cheers me up. I then become angry at the situation, consider sending her something and then I hold myself back. I hold myself back because I started this no talking thing, and I will not run after her, I don’t do that. I wrote about this issue months ago when it happened. I told you guys briefly what happened. She knew I was going through infertility, she knew that I was suffering. She knew that I felt alone all the way in Kuwait since I just moved there, and she knew I was getting intense treatment. Yet she decided to act as if she didn’t care about me and not ask about how I’m doing, over a stupid tiny disagreement. And when I approached her about it after I came back to Kuwait, unbelievably hurt over her not talking to me or even saying bye to me, she made it a big deal. A misunderstanding I explained to her, that I would never accuse her of anything, that she misunderstood what I said. I apologized. Things never went back to normal. Things were weird. A few msgs here and there, but mainly ignoring eachother. Then I arrived again in march to do IVF and I received a very generic msg from her, that “we should hang out”. That was it. That was the last straw for me. If you can’t be my REAL friend, then I can’t have you be my friend at all! Why am I gonna sit and stare at your constant fb updates and Instagram photos when the thought of you aches my heart. What you have done to me as my best friend, not being there for me at all during this time that I find was most defining and trying of my life. How can I forgive you?! So I deleted her off of everything. I spend another two months and a half in the states and never saw her nor heard from her again. I am now 21 weeks into my pregnancy, and she has no idea that I’m pregnant. She has become a distant stranger, someone that I do not know nor recognize, yet I continue to grieve over this loss of a friendship that I held so close to my heart. I truly loved her as a sister. It’s really sad. And on the verge of tears now, it’s time to end this post.

2 Responses to “Let me tell you something”

  1. Steph Mignon September 1, 2013 at 5:53 pm #

    I too have been struggling with my friendships recently. One in particular is so hurtful and angering I’ve decided I just have to walk away. This person refuses to see my side or admit to any wrong doing. People who can’t take responsibility for their actions irk me to no end! Yet letting her go hasn’t been easy. At all. But when I miss her I try to remember that I miss who I thought she was, not who she has become and how she has behaved.

    In your case, perhaps it would help to write her a letter. Explain your feelings. Then if you must walk away you know you’ve done all you can!

  2. prettycuteovaries September 2, 2013 at 7:34 pm #

    Oh girl…I can relate to this post more than you know! I lost what I considered to be my best friend 3 years ago. Only looking back can I see now that she really wasn’t ever my friend at all. She was selfish and only cared about herself and was only my friend because it benefited her at the time. Unfortunately I found that out the hard way.

    The last time I saw this girl was on my wedding day…where she was my MAID OF HONOR. I mean, seriously, she was that important to me that I made her my Maid of Honor in my wedding, and that was the last day that I saw her in person (and now I have wedding pictures with that wench in them!). We texted and talked a few times over the next couple months, but she always seemed to bail on me if we made plans. This was a girl that I used to talk to or see almost every day. Finally she bailed on me when we were supposed to be throwing a bridal shower together for another friend, and then she didn’t even show up to the wedding the next weekend, with no explanation at all. So I decided I wasn’t going to contact her again…she could contact me and explain.

    And with that, I haven’t heard from her since. There have been a lot of times where I almost messaged her or texted her but I stuck to my guns. I would not be the one to reach out, it was all up to her. She’s the one who did this. Eventually she deleted me from her facebook. Like I said, its been 3 years since we spoke, and now I couldn’t care less.

    It’s still pretty fresh for you, but let me tell you as time goes by you’ll learn that you’re better off without her. I found out that the person I thought was my best friend was actually super toxic to life. When she was no longer in my life, my relationship with my husband, my family, and my real friends got so much better.

    I hope you can find peace in letting go, friend! Sometimes its definitely for the best!

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