Nursery Pictures

21 Dec

Finally the nursery is pretty much ready enough for me to share! I am SUCH a girlie girl when it comes to baby girls, and I know it’s very much overwhelmingly pink, but I tried to break it a little bit with the green and white 🙂
Enjoy! Xo

20131222-001030.jpg

20131222-001048.jpg

20131222-001059.jpg

20131222-001112.jpg

20131222-001121.jpg

20131222-002308.jpg

36 Weeks, oh my!

18 Dec

Two nights ago, I started having contractions. These weren’t like the contractions I had before, these were the most obvious contractions ever. My back was aching, the pain would start like period pain and rise up my stomach while it made a first. It became rock hard. Phew. Breathe. My husband was asleep, so I decided to time them. Is it time, I thought? I wasn’t sure, so we would wait and see. First contraction that was timed, 13 minutes later the second one happened. 7 minutes later the third one happened, 8 minutes later the fourth one happened. One lasted for over 1 minute, one lasted 24 seconds and another one 54 seconds. They were frequent but inconsistent. They weren’t an exact timing apart from eachother, but they were painful and uncomfortable. It’s about 3am at this point so I decide to call my mother to see what I should do. I am full of energy and feel like this is it! I call her, and she told me to drink chamomile and try to relax, hopefully they would go away. I did just that. I got my chamomile, drank it, and headed for bed. It’s about 4:30am by then.  When I got up the next morning at 10:30, the contractions were much better, but I decided not to go to work and try to figure out what was happening. I sat in my living room for a couple of hours, and by the 3rd hour, I started feeling contractions again. I decided that I should wait it out until I got to my doctors appointment later that day with my doctor. Contractions kept coming and hurting and then finally my appointment came. My doctor checked my cervix, I was 1/2 cm dilated. My cervix was short and soft, and it could literally be any day now. She told me that she doesn’t think i’ll last beyond December, but that some women go through labor really quickly in a short period of time, and some last a few weeks being 1/2 cm dilated. I’m not sure what to do now, and contractions still keep coming. She told me that the REAL contractions, will be so much more painful than this. Wonderful, I’m really looking forward to it 🙂

P.S.-Sorry I havn’t gotten a chance to post up pictures from the nursery, because its still not done! I’ve been waiting for my husband to go and get the curtains hemmed and we have had a rough week and havn’t been able to. Promise to update as soon as we get them done!

35 Weeks & Counting..

8 Dec

It’s been an exhausting few weeks. Ive had contractions here and there, some painful and some not, but it’s put me over the edge and made me really nervous about her arrival being early. I keep telling her to hang in there until atleast my family arrives, because I really would prefer my mother not taking the next flight out and messing up everyone schedule. I really also would prefer her being here from the beginning and not after I have given birth. The nursery is almost done, just a few things that need to be hung up, which hopefully will be done today and then I can post up her nursery pictures. The house is also almost prepared for my family, we needed to buy essential things for them such as shampoo, towels, etc. etc. I also was trying to finish decorating the house the way I wanted to in order to make it nice by the time they come. So a lot of our money has gone to the house and my daughters last minute items that need to be purchased before my parents arrive, and that has put a little pressure on us lately. For now, it’s all said and done, and hopefully theres not much more that needs to be prepared before everyones arrival. The hospital bag is all packed and ready, but I’m waiting for my shipment from my mum for my Gownie, which I ordered but unfortunately they do not ship to Kuwait (how annoying). so I had her ship me my gownie, the matching layette for my daughter, and two outfits for her to wear at the hospital as well. I need to wash all of them up and pack them in the bag, and at that point everything I would need is ready to go. I am getting nervous. I’m feeling as if theres not much longer left. My face & my entire body is all swollen up and everyone tells me that I look like I’ve reached my end mark. I’m torn, because I want her here and yet at the same time I just want her to wait until my family comes. I pray everyday that her health is good, and that is the main and most important thing there is. With all that being said, here is my 35 week update:

How far along? 35 Weeks

Total weight gain: I kind of stayed steady for a few weeks there, but I think ive gained between 14-16 kilos.

Maternity clothes? And nothin’ else 🙂

Stretch marks? Yes, a few, around my bum.

Sleep: Sleep has been on and off. Also, because ive been sick, this really hasn’t helped with my sleeping. It just feels like everything is off these days.

Best moments the past two weeks: Preparing everything for her arrival. There’s nothing more satisfying for a mum than having everything prepared (OCD).

Miss Anything? Sleeping on my stomach. Sleeping in general. and being able to eat whatever my heart desires without worrying about her.

Movement: Yes, everyday. Things are getting cramped up in there, and that’s making her movements a lot more uncomfortable for me, but def not making me less appreciative of them.

Food cravings: Not really anything particular.

Anything making you queasy or sick: same old, anything fishy.

Labor Signs: Yes, some contractions here and there.

Symptoms: Exhausted. and really swollen all over!

Belly Button in or out? It’s an outy. What an ugly little thing 🙂

Looking forward to: My family coming on the 26th of December, and hopefully the healthy arrival of this little angel 🙂

Next appointment: After tomorrow. I am officially hitting the 9 month mark!

Week 32 Scare

26 Nov

Oh it’s been a rough week you guys. Things were going smooth and well on my end until Tuesday of last week. We had a massive storm hit Kuwait that caused flooding everything. Problem is, it started an hour before we all left work, and it had already done its damage by the time we left. The road that I was on was all backed up that a 20 minute commute took me over 2 hours. I was scared from the flooding that I saw all around me, that truly I was just frustrated the entire way home. Then I got home, and got upset at hubby for not cleaning the house while I was on my way home, which caused a big fight between us. This whole day, and the tension that was caused during my drive home, I started feeling intense back and stomach pain. At 2 am, I got in the car and headed to the hospital. They hooked me up to the machine that measures contractions and I had maybe 4 in a 20 minute time span. So what did the genius doctor decide was best for me? She said i’ll give you pain killer and then you can decide if you would like to be checked in or not. Are you kidding me?! You see that I am 32 weeks pregnant, and I am having contractions, and all you can give me is a pain killer? She didn’t even do an examination from down under or a sonogram to determine if I am dilated or not. Oh, doctors here in the middle east. Ofcourse I had to make my own decision of getting checked into the hospital. The nurses were monitoring me constantly on the contractions machine so I was calm until my doctor came in that morning. By that point, my mother in law had arrived, and I was worried sick that I was going to go into early labor. I asked my doctor if they could have been Braxton hicks contractions, and she told me no, that they were too consistent and close to eachother, so that just meant that I need to be monitored a bit longer with them. She said that she prefers that I take the steroid shot for my daughters lungs, incase suddenly, I started going into early labor very quickly. so I listened to her, because the last thing I needed was my daughters health to be in jeopardy. I stayed in the hospital for another night, and was constantly monitored. That last night I leaked a bit. what came out was a bit watery discharge, that I genuinely thought my water broke. I even looked into the nurse’s eyes and was teary and distraught and said to her “isn’t 32 weeks too early?”. All I wanted to hear back was No, she will be just fine I guarantee it! But she couldn’t say that, no one could. She looked at me and said, honey everything will be just fine. But you don’t know that. You just don’t. I started panicking again, waiting for another trickle to come down that I know for sure that that was my water, but that didn’t happen, because I went right to sleep after that. I woke up the next morning scared, waiting to see what will happen next. so far, no contractions on the machine…but that doesn’t mean that my water hasn’t broken. an hour after waking up I finally felt it, that next trickle. I called the nurse in and told her, and my doctor wanted me to go see her at her office downstairs right away. After a cervical check, and an amniotic fluid check, she cleared me. No worries dear, theres water all around her head, and the test is negative for amniotic fluid. Also, she took a swab to make sure that I didn’t have an infection of any kind, and I believe that came back a few days later negative. I took a few days off work to rest after this horrible ordeal. As badly as I wanted to meet her, my little angel, how could I be so selfish and want her then when she will be the one harmed, and most likely in the NICU? I couldn’t, just couldn’t shake the fact that my family isn’t here yet. I couldn’t shake the fact that she would probably be in NICU, and I just couldn’t shake the fact that her safety was in jeopardy. I also hadn’t finished preparing my hospital bag, which as soon as I felt better started working on right away again. The problem with my hospital bag is this, you’re not just preparing a regular bag that you and your baby need, no. Here in Kuwait, instead of your baby shower ahead of time, your family throws you a baby shower at the hospital, the day after you give birth. You must prepare your nice nightdown to wear, choose the flowers and decoration for your very expensive room that you pay for, prepare the candy, the hors d’oeuvres, the drinks, etc. etc. It is a big event. And even though my mother in law promised to invite only a few, and the closest to us, my husbands families on both sides on their own are a lot, and regardless of the situation it will be very overwhelming for me. First of all, who said that I want to do my hair and makeup the day after  I give birth? And who said that I want to see everyone and their mother also, after I push my daughter out of my hoo-haa? Sigh. This has put everything in perspective, and now I am trying to finish and prepare everything with my mother in law as soon as possible before this, God forbids, happens again before my family arrives.

Hang in there little one. Until exactly one month from now, then you can come out to play whenever you want 🙂

31 Weeks…Woah!

12 Nov

I know, I have been so horrible at updating its ridiculous. I literally logged in and realized that the last time I wrote anything was when I was 26 weeks pregnant. like, 5 weeks ago! I am horrible at all of this, mostly because theres so much going on, that I can barely keep up with waking up and going to work everyday. Promise, will try to be better 🙂 And as for her nursery, I will be doing an update as soon as I finalize the last details! Almost done!

How far along? 31 weeks, and 2 days

Total weight gain: mmm, at my last appointment 2 weeks ago I had gained over 11 kilos so far, and today I have another appointment. I’m guessing somewhere around 12-13 kilos.

Maternity clothes? It’s the only thing I can wear now, it’s becoming a bit of a burden. Thank god I have purchased a bunch of maternity clothes just in time! Now I feel a lot more comfortable, it was completely necessary.

Stretch marks?  Yes, a few, around my bum.

Sleep: Insomnia has hit the last week or so. I think I am starting to become really anxious about her arrival, that is just coming up so soon. Too many things to do, so many things to be prepared for, mentally and physically.

Best moments the past two weeks: Seeing her on the 4D ultrasound. It was just the most amazing thing ever. Downside? She’s probably gonna change looks wise within the first few weeks of her arrival, so it kind of defeats the purpose.

Miss Anything? Sleeping on my stomach. Sleeping in general.

Movement:  Yes, some days more than others. But generally, yes.

Food cravings:  Everything I’ve been craving before. Nothing really healthy for you, and I really need to be watching my weight gain the next few weeks as to not go overboard.

Anything making you queasy or sick: same old, anything fishy.

Labor Signs:  No, but some Braxton hicks. Sciatica. Ouch, it hurts & is paralyzing sometimes.

Symptoms:  Exhausted. Feeling so bloated all the time. Swollen feet…they’re huge.

Belly Button in or out?  It’s starting to become an outy for sure! It’s just taken such a weird shape now, that it makes me laugh everytime I look down on it.

Looking forward to: This countdown to be over. I just can’t wait, yet at the same time I am so unbelievably nervous of the responsibility of taking care of another human being. I never want anything to hurt her, and I will always worry about if i’m going to miss anything for a few seconds that could possibly harm her.

Next appointment:  Today. 31 week check up!

26 Weeks

7 Oct

So I will be doing one of these little guys because they are just so much easier than trying to think of everything that has happened since the last time I blogged! It’s exhausting, and right after I post the latest one I remember things that I forgot to add. This may make it all easier to remember 🙂

How far along? 26 weeks, and 1 day

Total weight gain: Let’s not discuss this right now, because its so depressing. I’ve already gained over 23 pounds. Horrific, I know. How? I’m not sure. My weight has just skyrocketed throughout this pregnancy.

Maternity clothes? Uhh yes. And since a very long time ago. I can BARELY get away with completely unbuttoned pants now, but they are extremely uncomfortable, so I know that I will have to be only wearing maternity pants only soon. And my tops? Thank you for being so unbelievably tight around my belly, I am also almost out of luck with those as well.

Stretch marks?  No, not yet.

Sleep: I am always so tired, especially now that I have started working. Who starts working at 6 months pregnant exactly? This crazy woman right here.

Best moments the past two weeks: Had a mid-point checkup because I was having contraction like pains- and it was amazing to see my little baby on the screen again. She has just gotten to much bigger and i’m so proud to be her mommy. Another best moment? seeing the difference her movements and jabs make as she gets older. Everytime she does it I literally sit back, put my hands on my belly and appreciate every movement she makes. I just love it.

Miss Anything? Feeling refreshed. Nomatter how much sleep I get i’m just still always tired. Sleeping on my tummy will always be one of the biggest things I miss. And I also miss eating anything I want without a worry. People look at me like i’m crazy here when I ask if the mayo is home made or if the cheese is pasteurized.

Movement:  Yes. Some days she moves like crazy and some days shes resting a little more.

Food cravings:  Juice has been my number one. Burgers. Fries. Everything not healthy that i’m trying to stay away from. I’ll indulge myself a few times a week but always put a few healthy things in my diet that day.

Anything making you queasy or sick: Fish. I can’t stand the smell of fish. Or anything coming out of the ocean. Please get that away from me.

Labor Signs:  Wouldn’t like it anytime soon. She must stay inside just a little longer.

Symptoms:  Tired. All. The. Time. Some Round ligament pain. Some

Belly Button in or out?  In, thank god. But I am watching out for it, because my belly is expanding quite a bit and putting pressure on it.

Looking forward to:  Having her in my arms in 3 months. I just can’t wait. I keep dreaming of the day. Also, at that time my family will be coming as well, so it will be just the best time ever for me.

Next appointment:  October 24- Haven’t made the appointment yet, but that’s around when my doctor told me to schedule it. Also, second glucose test. Not looking forward to the pure torture of that test.

Image

23 weeks!!

18 Sep

I know. I have been MIA for a while. Not sure if any of you even realized lol. I have not commented or liked any posts, nor have I responded to some of your comments. I have a good reason I promise. First, my WordPress app on my iPhone went haywire…and it wouldn’t allow me to load any of your new posts, even though I have been tryin to log in from elsewhere to keep up with you all. Finally today, I got the new WordPress update and that fixed my problem right away!
What’s been happening? I’m at 23 weeks! Whaaaa??? Where did the time go?
Even though I feel like it’s still moving as slow as a turtle. I want to see my beautiful angel, I want to hold her and see what she looks like.
Let me begin by saying— all you US and UK mothers, kiss the ground that you are on because I realize being here in Kuwait- not everything I want ships here. Actually, basically nothing does. I want organic shampoo, lotion and oil for her, I want true organic baby formula for her incase my milk stops or doesn’t come through. I want the cutest clothes. I want the practical day to day things. And those clothes and day to day things are def here- but you pay the same price as the states when they have MUCH cuter things there! It makes me so mad to pay the same price and get something not that cute at all. How can I ship my baby bee organic stuff? How can I ship my organic formula from Europe? They don’t ship!!! Anyways…be thankful ladies. Be thankful. Everything is so much easier where you are.
Off my rant, within these few weeks I have done my anatomy scan and my glucose test. Did I tell you guys? I don’t even remember. Anatomy scan went good (thank God) and she is safe and sound according to the ultrasound technician. As for the glucose test- it was unbelievably disgusting. And to tell you the truth I was a bit worried about my results because I have PCOS. And I’m not sure if they are 100% correlated, but what I know is that PCOS is due to your insulin and that is due to the way your body breaks down sugar. So I did it. Nearly fainted and threw up 7 times. But it was a two hour test. Go in fasting, drink the glucose and come back after two hours to get your blood drawn again. I was 4.5 before the glucose, and 6.0 after. Not sure what that means because when I looked it up the states uses different numbers than here. Anyways, my doctor said I passed. It’s been 3 weeks since my last appointment, it’s the longest I’ve gone without seeing my doctor, but with her kicking its made it so much easier on me to not be as worried. I only worry if I don’t feel her move as much, my heart literally starts racing and I almost have a heart attack.

She has grown SO much over the course of the last few weeks. I can feel it now not just by my tummy size, but by her kicks. Her kicks now are getting harder and bigger, and that just makes me a proud mommy. I have now decided to tell the rest of my friends that I am pregnant. Yes, I have managed to keep it a secret this whole time. Only family and a FEW friends that have been sworn to secrecy know. I am still terrified. I was even more terrified before. All my friends that I told laugh at me and tell me how are you holding on that long to tell everyone? And it’s simple, I am terrified that if I let the world know and something horrible happens, ill either blame myself for telling everyone or I will live with the regret that now I must share that news as well. I don’t want that. I don’t want anyone giving my baby the evil eye (yes we believe in that) and mostly, honestly, I’ve been scarred by my struggle. At 24 I am pregnant yes, to some this may seem so young, and maybe a little irresponsible or stupid to get pregnant this early, but they have absolutely no idea what this baby means to me, to us. They have no idea that even though we went through a year of infertility, it was the worst year of my life. That it was the most trying time for me, mentally, physically, and emotionally. Just to explain, my emotions were SO much more out of wack before IVF than it was while going through IVF. And while women worry about being an emotional wreck through IVF, my hormones were the most “stable” they ever had been or will be. This so called stability, that explains the deep depression, hurt and anger that I was feeling for all of these 11 months. In the end, they don’t know that we did IVF, and I don’t plan on sharing with the world. I struggle to share something so unbelievably precious, that it may be deemed as insignificant or irresponsible to the rest of the world. This is my miracle, our miracle. And I hold her so precious and deep to my heart that I don’t think the rest of the world deserved to know. Except you guys ofcourse ❤. I don’t know if I explained this correctly, but the point is I’ve struggled with it up until now. My lovely, beautiful and miraculous little secret that is the best kept secret out there. I have decided to share the news next week with my husbands birthday. I will be way into my 6 months, and it’s about time I share. I wouldn’t like to share once I have given birth haha.
The nursery is still under construction. It is a beautiful ivory, pink and white mix that I am just so in love with. Still need to buy a rug, curtains, paint the walls, buy the mattress and add some more decor. Month by month we are slowly buying the rest of her things since you all know how expensive they all can get. And god bless them here, if you want something nice, your only option is pottery barn. And yes, they are slightly more expensive than other places but what can I do?! Again, thank your lucky stars ladies!! For now I will leave you all with a bump pic and a few nursery pics. Enjoy!20130919-011907.jpg

20130919-011936.jpg

20130919-011923.jpg

20130919-011955.jpg

Let me tell you something

1 Sep

This post isn’t about pregnancy. This post is about my anger, hurt & frustration that I’ve had for over 6 months now. This pain is all caused by someone I used to call my best friend. MY best friend! She has become a stranger, someone that I don’t know nor do I speak to anymore. And this pain keeps me up a lot at night. There have been months that have gone by when I’ve forgotten completely about her, and then something so small will remind me of this friend I used to have, and my world starts crashing down. I become depressed, sad & nothing cheers me up. I then become angry at the situation, consider sending her something and then I hold myself back. I hold myself back because I started this no talking thing, and I will not run after her, I don’t do that. I wrote about this issue months ago when it happened. I told you guys briefly what happened. She knew I was going through infertility, she knew that I was suffering. She knew that I felt alone all the way in Kuwait since I just moved there, and she knew I was getting intense treatment. Yet she decided to act as if she didn’t care about me and not ask about how I’m doing, over a stupid tiny disagreement. And when I approached her about it after I came back to Kuwait, unbelievably hurt over her not talking to me or even saying bye to me, she made it a big deal. A misunderstanding I explained to her, that I would never accuse her of anything, that she misunderstood what I said. I apologized. Things never went back to normal. Things were weird. A few msgs here and there, but mainly ignoring eachother. Then I arrived again in march to do IVF and I received a very generic msg from her, that “we should hang out”. That was it. That was the last straw for me. If you can’t be my REAL friend, then I can’t have you be my friend at all! Why am I gonna sit and stare at your constant fb updates and Instagram photos when the thought of you aches my heart. What you have done to me as my best friend, not being there for me at all during this time that I find was most defining and trying of my life. How can I forgive you?! So I deleted her off of everything. I spend another two months and a half in the states and never saw her nor heard from her again. I am now 21 weeks into my pregnancy, and she has no idea that I’m pregnant. She has become a distant stranger, someone that I do not know nor recognize, yet I continue to grieve over this loss of a friendship that I held so close to my heart. I truly loved her as a sister. It’s really sad. And on the verge of tears now, it’s time to end this post.

Kicks, Nursery & Belly!

27 Aug

So many things have changed from week 18 to week 20! I went from not feeling pregnant (and not looking it) to both looking it and feeling it! Wow! Before week 19, my belly looked like a gut. It wasn’t round and cute…my stomach was little early flat and then at the wayyy bottom had a big bulge. I didn’t feel like it was a baby bump at all, and constantly felt like I wasn’t pregnant. And then week 19 happened. I felt my baby girl kick for the first time!! How do I describe it…
I was laying down sideways after a long day and then literally felt two tiny tiny punches after another way down in my uterus. I nearly jumped up! It was the weirdest feeling in the world. That was the moment. The exact moment that I finally felt pregnant. That I felt the little life inside of me. It was the most beautiful feeling in the world. She then kicked a few times and disappeared for a few days which nearly gave me a heart attack! But then she kicked again afterwards…with a sigh of relief, I now have a way to keep up with the worry I constantly have about my little girl with just feeling her. She’s becoming more active now and a little bit more consistent with her daily kicks, even though I think it will take a few more weeks until I can figure out her sleep/awake schedule. Then week 20 happened. My uterus started rising up higher, and I finally look (and feel) a lot more round! I finally feel completely pregnant. And even though its just such an amazing transformation and time for me, worry is still there, even though I’ve finally let go of a lot of it. I started shopping for my daughters nursery decorations (without my husband constantly saying its way too early)…because he finally feels like I’m pregnant too! He felt her kick two days ago for the first time, and from the joy that was in his eyes, I started crying. It was just so beautiful. After all we went through, the months of endless and useless shots and doctors appointments, with finally IVF, we have reached that point. That point of enjoying this life growing inside of me. And even though I feel like its too long of a wait until I get to see her, I also feel as if it will happen so soon, and I must start preparing now. Slowly but surely, hope I get everything I need done before this miracle comes into our world. How will it feel when I first see her? I can’t believe we have to wait all of the 9 months to see what she looks like!
These are my current crazy emotions and update. I couldn’t wait to share with you guys the amazing milestone we have come to, and I hope that it continues throughout the rest of the pregnancy (God willing).
Xoxo

20130827-153306.jpg

Gender Reveal

15 Aug

It’s been an exhausting few weeks. You would have thought that my bump and stay in the hospital would be the only scary thing I would pass through- but no, life isn’t that easy folks 😊 the last few days I’ve been feeling ill, under the weather, with symptoms that kept sneaking up in my mind as listeria poisoning, and I have been freaking out. This month had been going fine, I had been passing through to my second appointment without a glitch and I was SO happy for that. My doctor thinks I’m an over paranoid mother to be with absolutely no self control (which may be half true when it comes to my baby lol). So after last night, when I had crazy stomach pains I decided that if I woke up this morning that I would go see her to do bloodwork to see if I indeed do have listeria or anything else that requires medication. The problem is, with all the family visiting and going to people’s houses, I can’t control what food they put out to eat, and how do I know that things may be infected or not?! What agony I have to go through just to eat something dammit! When we walked in, I told her my symptoms, and instead of bloodwork she decided to do an ultrasound. She said if the baby looked fine then she would just give me pain meds, and that listeria poisoning even if she did bloodwork wouldn’t show up right away, and even if it did, there is no medical treatment for it. So basically, stop eating random things and pray to God that you don’t have something horrible. Yay. Kind of. I am relieved yet not relieved at the same time. I was just happy to see that my baby was okay, and sleeping. And that it’s a GIRL!! After a month of running after her little lady parts, she finally decided to show us today! I couldn’t be happier, I am really really excited to buy all pink things. The food pointing is still in the back of my mind though, and it seems like this won’t be something that will easily let me be. Worrying about this baby has caused me more anxiety than I can handle, and I just wish that it was a little more smooth sailing than this. Will I ever get to a point where I won’t fear my baby being stripped away from me in a second? I don’t think so.