Tag Archives: crying

Overwhelmed. 2 weeks.

16 Dec

I’ve been literally all over the place yet stuck at the same time. I’m trying to tell myself to be patient and wait…but I can’t because I feel like my mind Is playing tricks on me. When I went into the doctors office about a week ago to see how many eggs I have and if treatment worked…she told me she saw nothing with either meant I ovulated already or I made no eggs at all. She said it looks to her like I did ovulate but I’m going in in two days to do a progesterone test to see if I actually did ovulate or not. I’m having all these weird symptoms except the big sore boobs which worries me, because that’s what usually happens when I do t ovulate. Every single time I feel a cramp I think to myself is that my baby growing in there, or is it my infertile womb, or is it my brain? There’s absolutely nothing worse then staying at home doing nothing (since I moved overseas for my husbands job) and sitting and thinking about whether you’re pregnant or not. I muttered the words I think I’m pregnant to him and completely regretted it once it sank in that If its not true…I would have dragged him down this roller coaster ride with me. I feel guilty now, really bad for saying it. Now I think he actually does believe it. I don’t want my body to be a liar…I don’t want to be feeling pregnant because I want to but because I really am. I think that if I felt my boobs sore or get bigger (since they got smaller from getting off bc and being diagnosed with pcos) I would feel sooooo much better. I kept googling when’s the earliest time to do a blood test…I was going to cheat and go behind my doctors back because A) I can’t wait it’s killing me and B) I want to surprise the hubs if I am. I am currently feeling all this cramping…and god bless if it if my failing lady parts and not a real baby…I might have to go to an insane asylum because the stress this is causing me is unimaginable. I know that if this doesn’t work, ill need to travel back to the states and see my family, mainly for my sanity because the poor husband has been overwhelmed with my constant crying, depression and pure torture that I have been overcome with. It’s really all straining our marriage and were just in the beginning phase. My little baby…if ur inside me hear me because I have been going through hell trying to have you. Please God, help me I can’t take anymore of this.