*This is a pregnancy related post. If you are in a bad place please feel free to skip*
My first beta came in on Monday at 577. My second beta came in today at 1,192. So far, the baby looks alive and thriving. I know I’m not out of the woods yet, ofcourse. When I spoke to the nurse today about when it will be possible for me to travel back to my husband, she told me technically speaking that I can travel anytime, but that it’s best to stay until 8 week ultrasound because according to her if I were to have a miscarriage it would be most likely during that time, and that if it was ectopic that they would find out by then too. Thanks for putting that in my head because I hadn’t even thought about ectopic, but it made me run into panic mode because I felt some sharp pains on my right side yesterday. And then she said- if it was ectopic your numbers would rise and then remain steady. Thank you, because that means my numbers today would mean nothing if this baby got stuck in my Fallopian tube. I can’t ease this anxiety I have, and now I completely understand every woman on this blog that has become pregnant. I can’t shake the fact that this is not a normal pregnancy and that I will continue to wonder what is happening with this baby. I will not get to see my husband for another month, and while its for an amazing reason, it’s also so difficult not having him here to help me through this panic mode attack that happens every five seconds. I am still careful, there will be no new category of pregnancy, until i know everything is fine (yeah right, will i ever believe it?). Faith. I keep just reminding myself about faith…and constantly pray that this baby has found it’s home for the next nine months.
I didn’t have sore boobs this whole time- and so I was worried today’s beta would be too low. I know they say every pregnancy is different…but somehow I have this crazy idea that if symptoms aren’t as intense as they say, this baby is in an awful place. Well, tonight the sore boobs kicked in full force…I felt like I got punched in my boobs about 5 times. And the nausea…oh my god. I crave something…and as soon as I put a bite in my mouth I get this awful feeling in my stomach like I am about to throw up. I am a wuss when it comes to throwing up. I’ve thrown up about 5 times in my life and they were torturous for me (mainly because I have acid reflux, so I found out later that it is far more painful for me than others). God please, I don’t want to burn my esophagus. Till today…I’m alive and baby is still inside. Till today I have faith that what is best will happen. Till today I kneel down on my knees and thank God five times a day for the gift he’s giving me. Till today, I pray for you all my friends, my wonderful supportive friends.