Tag Archives: IVF

6 1/2 Week Ultrasound

23 May

Today was my ultrasound, and I can say that it was an interesting/trying day. I couldn’t sleep at all the night before, and kept waking up every few hours from my anxiety and worry about whether my baby will be alive or not. Also, a few days prior my father had a scare with skin cancer (not had, still has, and it has not been ruled out), so I have been even more on edge and feeling out of control. I woke up that morning and headed there with my mom and sister in law, which I can completely say us like the sister I never had, which is amazing. We got there, I asked if I could Skype my husband and they said go ahead. Ofcourse, him and I have been a nervous wreck waiting to see the ultrasound. He went to a cafe next to his work (he had just gotten off) in order to get better Internet for our Skype date. Ofcourse, kuwait Internet failed us. Yay. Doctor came in, observed the scan, and even though that specific machine couldn’t let us hear the heartbeat, we could see it. And I couldn’t believe my eyes, I’m still trying to take it in. My sister in law had recorded the whole thing- incase what happened with my husband would, which it did, and I sent him the video right away. It was one baby, not two, which makes the last scan still questionable. Here is where I was left worried sick: the heartbeat was 109. I looked at the tech and said umm isn’t that low? She said no, it’s fine, we look for anything above 100. But for some reason I couldn’t stomach it, and I knew I just wouldn’t. I will be another nervous wreck until the 31st, and I really just wanted some peace, that I havnt gotten a chance to have. I also did a urine analysis since I’m having uti symptoms, lovely. But on another good note…I have graduated from progesterone shots!! Those damn things hurt like a mother effer and truly left my backside sore. After dropping off 4 full boxes of used needles, please…don’t pass me anymore. But I will tell you one thing, those vaginal inserts are absolutely disgusting. The discharge from them looks the same as a yeast infection. There’s no running away from lovely old progesterone! But still…please pass it on all the way, because its supposedly doing the one thing my body fails at, which is protecting my baby. In the meantime, I will pack, get ready to head back to kuwait while I still sit and google and worry about that 109 heartbeat. Did she count it right? Was it because I could barely eat anything that morning? Was it anything I did to the baby without realizing? Oh my little nugget, mommy prays for you every single second of everyday. Please keep growing, and please let your tiny little heart get stronger and stronger. I’m doing everything I can, and eating everything that I can to have you be a healthy little baby. I love you.

Positive

4 May

I would have loved to have made this post just a happy post. A post with nothing but rainbows and butterflies to describe my emotions….but unfortunately I feel a few rain clouds and lightening overcoming my happiness. I am pregnant. Those three words have not sunk in yet…mostly because I know that it can be stripped away from me any second. I feel like even just writing this will jinx it and I will miscarry right away. I know that rationally…there is no medical reason for me to believe that I would have a miscarriage, but I also have never been pregnant before. Isn’t it sad that we can never enjoy our happiness, we just constantly think about the what-ifs that other normal pregnant women don’t have to even think about. Anyways…I’m not going to sour note every single part of this pregnancy announcement…but I will take it as a grain of salt until I go on Monday to have my beta test. I hope this baby is safe and healthy…that’s all I’m praying for.

To test or not to test?

30 Apr

Thank you for all the wishes everyone sent my way in my last post- it really made me feel so much better when I read each one. Today I am 4dp5dt and I’m already itching for POAS…but….utterly utterly terrified of the outcome. I was suppose to go get pregnancy tests yesterday but I chickened out and said I’d wait one more day. So…maybe I will test at 5dp5dt and we will see from there. My beta will be on next Monday since I didn’t have any HCG in me. When I had my retrieval they were too terrified to give me any incase of hyper stimulation. So everything I’m analyzing and feeling is the high amount of progesterone I’m using? The estrogen? Was it there before? I’ve had no implantation bleeding and I check every. Single. Time. I. Pee. Nothing. Nada. I’m too scared, and everytime I think about it I have an anxiety attack. What if its negative? Everything I’ve done and gone through has been for a waste. How will I afford another transfer? I can’t do another round of IVF hubs isn’t here and can’t come here again! I can’t stay for another 2 months more…his family is already frustrated that I’ve been gone for so long away from him…thinkin we have some marital issues…but only if they knew that we didn’t and its just for us to have our baby. I’m just too scared. Can’t do it.

Trigger

20 Apr

Yesterday when I took the trigger shot at 12:30am, I had an allergic reaction to it. First, my body automatically started breaking out in hives an rashes everywhere I couldn’t stop itching…and then the anxiety started kicking in and I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I was having an anxiety attack and just needed hubs to hold me to feel better. It was too late to call my doctor, and honestly I just wanted to sleep and wake up the next day to do the blood test and see if the lupron trigger worked or not. After a little while of listening to Quran and having the hubs hold me…I started to relax and finally fell fast asleep.
Tomorrow is my retrieval. I am so nervous and excited…but def so much more nervous about the outcome. We’ve finally reached this point. Prayer is the only thing on our side now.
And even though I don’t feel like I’m the devil right now, this one made me laugh.

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Ready for Retrieval

19 Apr

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So ladies…finally my 40 follicles are ready to be harvested. I have about 10-15 fully grown follicles and the rest are smaller ones that are just basically taking up space and killing me in the process. I woke up this morning with such bad pain from my swollen ovaries I couldn’t move, walk properly, use the restroom or anything. Also, stomach cramps don’t help either. Nerves? Medication? My body has gone into shock? Who knows! My nurse called me today two hours after my ultrasound, which I must say was much earlier than they usually do…and told me that instead of just a lupron trigger they want me to do a dual trigger of lupron and HCG. What to do? I don’t have HCG, just lupron so I had to get in the car with the hubby and drive all the way back to Maryland during rush hour times to buy it incase I will need it. Needless to say as we were getting off our exit to my parents house they called to tell me that I will only be taking lupron by itself. My estrogen was 5,500. OHSS? Hello, welcome to my lovely ovaries.
I am honestly exhausted. Now, I will be doing the transfer the day the hubs leaves (at least hell be there). But this medication wears you out. After 30+ injections…I wouldn’t like to see another needle in my life again! Tired…exhausted…in pain…tired, tired, tired is basically how I feel. Ready for Sunday…hopefully Lupron does the trick! šŸ˜Š

Follicles

14 Apr

I went in for bloodwork and ultrasound today, and I’m happy to hear that my estrogen has gone up again. How do you dip from 300 to 54? The nurse couldn’t even explain it to me, but now it’s gone back up to 190, which the nurse said is much better. I should be planned for retrieval on Friday, but with my slow growing follicles, it might be pushed back. So far I have about 5 follicles on each side that measure over 10mm. And the pain…wow, I’m already starting to feel it. When I use the bathroom or anything, I feel the pain from the swelling of my ovaries. I’m afraid that I will fall into that category of OHSS, since it happens more likely with younger women who have lotsa eggs. I’m nervous since I have a little less than a week left of medication…it will put my ovaries into shock. I’m taking it one step at a time now…not so scared of a negative pregnancy later(but I still am regardless) and now just more worried about OHSS. Will it be all worth it if i end up in the hospital because I can’t breathe? This sucks. All of it sucks. Infertility sucks. And yet, I am so so grateful for this opportunity to do IVF and have a possibility of bringing our baby home. I realize that that’s a far fetched hope, but as some friends pointed out…hope is important. I’m so exhausted from the meds…I can barely move or do anything…so what will happen if I do get pregnant? Don’t want to jump ahead yet though. For the meantime I’m spending lots of time at home trying to relax and take it easy on my body with the medications and the upcoming retrieval, if my follicles continue to react properly to the shots.
One day at a time.

Naive

12 Apr

I’m having cramps, and I can’t think that to be something good. Has anyone else had crampiness through IVF medications? I understand the bloating and all, but this feels closer to a period. I realized too many things are still not in our hands, even when most things fall into place, it doesn’t mean that the last part will. I can’t hold my breath, because even if I’m able to get through the medications and retrieval part fine, it doesn’t mean it will be my baby forever. My dear friend is going through that right now and it so tears my heart apart. since this pain is overwhelming, I’m just going to not hold my breath. I don’t want to feel naive about IVF the way I did about fertility treatments. I was so naive when I first started them, thinking that I would get pregnant right away…HA! And I don’t want to keep thinking that this will be my lucky cycle. I don’t want to be naive nomatter how much my doctor tells me otherwise. Here we go again…