Tag Archives: one of these mornings

The Maldives + Clomid

3 Nov

My husband and I decided to take a short trip to the Maldives for a few days. It should fall around the time of my ovulation. He said it would be our lucky month. This is it he said; let’s conceive our baby in the Maldives. It sounded amazing to me. He said this time felt different for him, and even though I didn’t say it, it felt a little different for me too. I kept those few words to myself because I didn’t want us to both get so excited and then be heartbroken all over again. I didn’t know what I would do if I wasn’t able to ovulate this month. So I had my hopes up that not only will I ovulate this month, but that miraculously his little guys would find their way to my struggling egg and voila!

It’s been a relaxing few days in the Maldives. Trying to not be cooped up in our hut from the storm that passed by for 2 days. When I am stuck inside all I think about it my bloody unfertile body. My failure. My heartache. I’m trying not to stress about this because I know it won’t help. I need to get out and smell the ocean air, feel the breeze pass through me; put my feet into the ocean water. Ocean water soothes me, I feel like it has healing powers. Just putting my feet in by themselves makes me feel better. As if that salt water is taking away all the toxins in my body. What is it exactly? Is my PCOD a toxin? A disease? A syndrome? Does it even matter anyway?

A stork has been following me around the island. I can’t help but smile every time I see it because it makes me think back on those days when we were little kids and thought that a stork brings your baby to your doorstep. I secretly created this wonderful fantasy as if I’m still a little girl and the stork will bring me my baby one of these mornings. Isn’t it nice to look back and remember those innocent times of when we thought life was so simple and easy? Before I knew that I would be dealing with the biggest failure of my life. My womb. I called him George. The first time we met was our first morning there. I grabbed my coffee, some biscuits and walked outside to enjoy the sunrise while my husband slept inside. I was just about done taking in the wonderful morning, opening the sliding door to go on and “whiff” he flew by and stood right on our private staircase. I was amazed. He was so big and so beautiful. I ran inside to grab my camera. I just had to take a picture of this beauty. I didn’t know that this would be the beginning of the many times I would run into him. He became my friend that I spot every morning while I’m walking around the island or simply sitting on the staircase. The first soothing concept of a baby to me. I really kept thinking this must be our lucky month.

I had done some research while there on certain things that can help your egg production. One of the things I kept running into is a specific diet. One article I read said eat healthy foods, grains, no sugars and as much organic as you can. I then would tell my husband that I found a helpful diet that I should stick to and hopefully it will help. Then the next day I find another article that says I should completely stay away from wheat…but I thought that’s what was supposed to be healthy? I got confused from all the different options and suggestions so I completely just stopped carbs as much as I could since that was the only thing that kept repeating