Tag Archives: pain

Sigh..

23 Jan

When do we stop feeling sorry for ourselves? When does this disease stop defining us as women so we can start living our lives normally? I’m so sick of it, sick of it all. As I laid my head down to sleep, all these thoughts kept running through my head. I’ve gotten into enough fights with enough people(mainly ones closest to me), felt sorry for myself 99% of the time as well as hoping for the best but feeling like it’ll take a lot more months of shots for me to hopefully get pregnant. Honestly? I’m scared of the shots, but I don’t dare say it because I have to take it to make our baby, since my stupid body is the one that’s off. It makes me feel like it’s my fault. I keep thinking did i do something wrong to cause this? I just still don’t understand. About 20 shots, per month, just to ovulate…doesn’t mean ill get pregnant. And lets not talk about potential loss. Where do you go from there? After trying for months with a gazillion shots which internally I will always have the scars from…and then losing it. I can’t even bare the thought. My mind is wandering to the worst thoughts ever because I’m scared. I’m terrified, and angry and I feel myself slipping into another bout of helplessness and depression. This isn’t good. I’ve seen a few posts from some ladies on their losses recently, so i dedicate this post to them. To their babies, to their families, for how strong you’ve been, still are and always will be. I pray one day I can be as strong, and may god never put me in the circumstance of losing my own baby. Anyways, those are all my crazy thoughts. Goodnight all the way from kuwait.