Tag Archives: pregnancy test

The deep dark ugly black hole

18 Dec

I blew it and i cheated. I went to the pharmacy to pick up an early pregnancy test to test on friday and then he ended up telling me about a test that can tell you if youre pregnant upto 5 days past intercourse. I looked at him and said forreal?? Is that even possible? He said yeab ofcourse! After a lot of back and forths with my brain i decided to test for the heck of it. To prove the test wrong? To prove me wrong? A little bit of everything. Ofcourse the test came back negative. I didnt ovulate and i didnt get pregnant. I dont wanna tell my husband, i wont kill the beautiful idea in his head that i might be carrying our baby for a few more days until i hear from my doctor about my progesterone test. I will now sink into my deep, dark hole of depression. Excuse me if i do.

Hair loss, Pregnancy Test and Torture

25 Nov

I’ve been staying away from the blog for the past week or so because I am trying to stop thinking about everything that’s going wrong with my body. I’m so frustrated because last week I went to the dermatologist to talk about my hair that fell out a few years ago when I got very sick. It just has never grown back normally again so I wanted to see my options. The second I told him I’m doing fertility treatments he told me that I might lose more hair from the treatments I’m doing. I just looked at him with a blank face and said great. I get usually pretty sarcastic when I’m upset and overwhelmed. Guess what happened a few days later? My hair has been falling out in chunks. Literally. How? I haven’t even begun my fertility treatments yet because I’ve been waiting for Mother Nature to arrive. It hasn’t, I didn’t ovulate so now I have to take primolut to get it. Frustration doesn’t even begin to explain what’s happening with me. And to top it all off, I went today to get a CT scan for my sinuses and they asked me to go get a pregnant test done just incase since I’m past my period date. Then the receptionist grinned so big and kept staring at me and said so well be congratulating you huh! And all I wanted to say is…no don’t do this to me. You don’t get it I can’t be pregnant, I can’t even get pregnant. Here I am in the waiting room waiting for the results while probably more hair is falling out. Cheers to that.