Tag Archives: shots

Cyst..One big ass cyst that is suffocating my life

3 Feb

I went for my follow up today after 5 injections done at home. I had a lot of pain on my left side, but didnt write about it until I found out what was going on. I thought it was a little swelling in my left ovary and that it wasnt a big deal. When I walked in I told him just so u know ive been having my period on and off, I dont know whats going on. I hadnt even told him about the pain. He told me okay lets do an ultrasound. As soon as he started I saw a huge black thing in the middle of my uterus. Was it a baby sac? Nope…it was the biggest cyst I had ever seen. He told me that there is nothing happening on my right side, so not enough meds to induce any ovulations, and my left..well…he couldnt even see it from my cyst. He told me we must stop treatment right away and wait for the cyst to disappear. He said thats so weird, through all my years of doing this ive never seen an ovary react that way. And he kept saying it so it freaked me out. He said lets check up again after a week to see how the cyst is doing, and if by any chance there are one or two follicles growing on the left side. Truth? I dont think anything is happening on the left if there isnt on the right. Truth? This sucks ass. I really was looking forward to one normal month. Just normal. Now im in excruciating pain and this cycle is a bust. I just want one cycle when im not waiting more than 3 weeks to restart. Im just really hurt and struggling with it all.

Round II FSH

29 Jan

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Just had a pretty tough last hour. I started my fsh shots today, and had gone to the clinic to see how I can give it to myself for the next two weeks. This nurse was amazing. So sweet, kind and gentle with me. She showed the hubs how to mix the medication and then suggested I give myself the shot infront of them so that I can learn better. In Kuwait, women don’t give themselves the shots, they go to the hospitals where the nurse gives it to you. I felt that with the amount I’m taking this time I’d rather keep the emotional, mental and physical pain behind closed doors without anyone seeing. Keep it private between my husband and I. Anyways, I did it. I gave myself the shot. I don’t know how, it was emotionally shocking to me but I feel like a stronger woman now. The hubs and the nurse were cheering me on while I was giving it to myself. It really burns, but the good news is that since I’m giving it to myself I can control how much goes in thus how much pain I will endure. Hubs kept telling me how proud he was of me…it’s hard to do this, but I must.
Down side…I’m sick, yet again. This is the second time I get sick while doing fertility shots as if it wasn’t bad enough. Now I have to take antibiotics, hooray!
That is all. So long for a new month. Around the time I find out if this month worked or not, it will be my 24th birthday. I’m hoping for the biggest gift of all ❤

Dubai

26 Jan

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My husband and I decided to take a last minute trip to Dubai since he had a three day weekend off. It was such a great change and relief from our TTC journey. I have reached a conclusion. I am really depressed in Kuwait, not because it’s not a beautiful country or because it has a lot of cool place to go and things to do, but simply because this is where my nightmare began and is still on going. I’ve realized that when I go anywhere else in the world I feel a million times better. Kuwait/home=infertility. Anywhere else=life is moving on. I even forget what were going through which is amazing because its all I ever think about. Around the time I got diagnosed I had this idea to start an evening dress line that is more conservative yet chic and elegant for those women who can’t wear sleeveless and really open dresses. I had the idea, the passion, the sketches and all the ideas put together, then two things happened. Our TTC journey took a harsh twist downward as well as I had a hard time finding a manufacturer. Right now, it hurts me everyday when I think about my dress line. I know I should consider going back to it, but I knew that I would néed to go see the manufacturer in turkey or china and I can’t right now with needing to be closely monitored. What an unfortunate failure that I’m not sure ill ever get to. Anyways, positive thoughts positive thoughts. I’m waiting for AF to come any minute now, and I’m very anxious about starting the shots. Hubs said hell try his best to learn from the nurse how to do it and be there with me, he is really freaked out of needles, so for him that’s a huge thing. And for me it’s a huge thing that he’s still gonna try to be there for me and get over his fears just like I am. I pray. I pray it’s our last month. I pray that this isn’t as torturous as my last month with just four shots.
On another note…Dubai is amazing! And if you ever get the chance you should def def go!!

Sigh..

23 Jan

When do we stop feeling sorry for ourselves? When does this disease stop defining us as women so we can start living our lives normally? I’m so sick of it, sick of it all. As I laid my head down to sleep, all these thoughts kept running through my head. I’ve gotten into enough fights with enough people(mainly ones closest to me), felt sorry for myself 99% of the time as well as hoping for the best but feeling like it’ll take a lot more months of shots for me to hopefully get pregnant. Honestly? I’m scared of the shots, but I don’t dare say it because I have to take it to make our baby, since my stupid body is the one that’s off. It makes me feel like it’s my fault. I keep thinking did i do something wrong to cause this? I just still don’t understand. About 20 shots, per month, just to ovulate…doesn’t mean ill get pregnant. And lets not talk about potential loss. Where do you go from there? After trying for months with a gazillion shots which internally I will always have the scars from…and then losing it. I can’t even bare the thought. My mind is wandering to the worst thoughts ever because I’m scared. I’m terrified, and angry and I feel myself slipping into another bout of helplessness and depression. This isn’t good. I’ve seen a few posts from some ladies on their losses recently, so i dedicate this post to them. To their babies, to their families, for how strong you’ve been, still are and always will be. I pray one day I can be as strong, and may god never put me in the circumstance of losing my own baby. Anyways, those are all my crazy thoughts. Goodnight all the way from kuwait.

More Testing…

4 Nov

My husband went to do some testing for himself yesterday before i start the shots. I’ve been a nervous wreck ever since then waiting for the results. I am so torn inside because a part of me wishes i’m not the only one thats broken, the only one that could be blamed for all of our problems conceiving; yet at the same time i hope and pray so hard that there isn’t something wrong with him because that hurts our overall chances of conceiving all together. What a bad a bitter feeling to be inside of you. It’s such a daunting feeling that i’m just trying to completely wash out so that i don’t have to think about it. It’s just simply a waiting game now…