Tag Archives: TTC

Dubai

26 Jan

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My husband and I decided to take a last minute trip to Dubai since he had a three day weekend off. It was such a great change and relief from our TTC journey. I have reached a conclusion. I am really depressed in Kuwait, not because it’s not a beautiful country or because it has a lot of cool place to go and things to do, but simply because this is where my nightmare began and is still on going. I’ve realized that when I go anywhere else in the world I feel a million times better. Kuwait/home=infertility. Anywhere else=life is moving on. I even forget what were going through which is amazing because its all I ever think about. Around the time I got diagnosed I had this idea to start an evening dress line that is more conservative yet chic and elegant for those women who can’t wear sleeveless and really open dresses. I had the idea, the passion, the sketches and all the ideas put together, then two things happened. Our TTC journey took a harsh twist downward as well as I had a hard time finding a manufacturer. Right now, it hurts me everyday when I think about my dress line. I know I should consider going back to it, but I knew that I would néed to go see the manufacturer in turkey or china and I can’t right now with needing to be closely monitored. What an unfortunate failure that I’m not sure ill ever get to. Anyways, positive thoughts positive thoughts. I’m waiting for AF to come any minute now, and I’m very anxious about starting the shots. Hubs said hell try his best to learn from the nurse how to do it and be there with me, he is really freaked out of needles, so for him that’s a huge thing. And for me it’s a huge thing that he’s still gonna try to be there for me and get over his fears just like I am. I pray. I pray it’s our last month. I pray that this isn’t as torturous as my last month with just four shots.
On another note…Dubai is amazing! And if you ever get the chance you should def def go!!

Sigh..

23 Jan

When do we stop feeling sorry for ourselves? When does this disease stop defining us as women so we can start living our lives normally? I’m so sick of it, sick of it all. As I laid my head down to sleep, all these thoughts kept running through my head. I’ve gotten into enough fights with enough people(mainly ones closest to me), felt sorry for myself 99% of the time as well as hoping for the best but feeling like it’ll take a lot more months of shots for me to hopefully get pregnant. Honestly? I’m scared of the shots, but I don’t dare say it because I have to take it to make our baby, since my stupid body is the one that’s off. It makes me feel like it’s my fault. I keep thinking did i do something wrong to cause this? I just still don’t understand. About 20 shots, per month, just to ovulate…doesn’t mean ill get pregnant. And lets not talk about potential loss. Where do you go from there? After trying for months with a gazillion shots which internally I will always have the scars from…and then losing it. I can’t even bare the thought. My mind is wandering to the worst thoughts ever because I’m scared. I’m terrified, and angry and I feel myself slipping into another bout of helplessness and depression. This isn’t good. I’ve seen a few posts from some ladies on their losses recently, so i dedicate this post to them. To their babies, to their families, for how strong you’ve been, still are and always will be. I pray one day I can be as strong, and may god never put me in the circumstance of losing my own baby. Anyways, those are all my crazy thoughts. Goodnight all the way from kuwait.

Take Off

22 Dec

In less than 24 hours ill be headed on a flight back to the States to see my family. Here’s the update on what I will be checking out when I get there- a consultation with my Ob-Gyn. She has never previously treated me for PCOS since I was diagnosed here in Kuwait. I will be interested to see what she tells me about my specific case. I have bought all my fertility treatments today to take back with me incase I do get AF on time, when I will be there. 1 clomid pack and 6 fostimon tubes and about $110 down, I am ready to go. I will possibly be seeing a specialist…I want to see what my doc says first, but I’m really in major need of advice from the most specialized doctor on this since I’m only going back for 2 weeks. I also looked up and emailed an acupuncturist who specializes in treating PCOS- or so I hope. I haven’t heard back yet but I really hope that I can do this because I heard it helps. I also set up appointments with a therapist…I definitely need it after all I’ve been through here all alone. I think my sanity is almost gone from trying to conceive. What hurts the most is that I’m 23 and broken. I know I keep repeating it…but I’m still not over the fact that I have this. I think therapy will help me understand and accept my situation a lot better, and everyone needs to be healthy mentally, physically and emotionally to have a baby. Also, this time will also be jam packed with lots of family and friends time…this is also part of my healing…having my loved ones around me. I will definitely miss the hubs…but I need this…we need this. I need to make sure that I’m getting the best treatment possible with PCOS. I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday…and may 2013 be our lucky year ladies…cheers!