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What’s next?

3 Nov

I started doing research on this vague “syndrome” or “disease” that has apparently taken over my body now. All of the symptoms that kept repeating didn’t really happen to me. The being overweight, excess hair and uncontrollable acne. I did have some acne growing up, but then again so did my brothers…it was a hereditary gene and not necessarily from PCOS. I was so confused reading articles and other forums because everyone mostly struggled with these issues, while what was happening with my body was completely different. My experience is completely different, but not any less horrific. I was left even more hurt, confused and not really sure where to turn to.

I then started taking Glucophage (Metaphormin) everyday, twice a day. That was supposed to help regulate my period. My first period was good; it came at the right time. I didn’t get pregnant. My second period I missed. I missed it, but not only that, I wasn’t even in Kuwait to have them check up on me. I was in the U.S. visiting my family. I had a feeling I didn’t ovulate. I was having very painful cramps all month long, and then my period was late. I wasn’t pregnant. Something inside of me prayed in some miraculous way the doctor was going to jump up and tell me I’m pregnant. I even imagined it when I was sitting in the office uttering the words “I don’t think I ovulated”. My miracle didn’t happen. She did an ultrasound and said “your PCOD is misbehaving”. I couldn’t even move. I smirked inside of me because it was as if PCOD was an alien taking over my body and now it’s misbehaving. How do you mentally grasp that concept? I’m not sure where to begin.

Next treatment was clomid. She was going to push my body into creating that period that apparently should never come because I never ovulated. And then I will be taking clomid which should help me ovulate. I did a lot of research on the internet. Clomid apparently has had a lot of positive outcomes from it. A lot of women talked about how they had ovulated after taking it and some even got pregnant with twins. I day dreamed about that idea for a while. How lovely would it be to have twins? I never thought about it, but then again I know a lot of times the things we don’t think about are usually what end up happening to us. I made myself accept the concept of twins, and then began praying for it. I can’t wait to be pregnant.

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The Diagnosis

3 Nov

A few days later I had my appointment with the gynecologist. That day was such a haze. I don’t even know how to describe it, and even thinking about it breaks my heart all over again. I get a knot in my throat and my heart starts beating out of control. All I remember is lying down and the doctor asking me questions. “Is there a history of diabetes in your family?” “Yes I answered.” “Does anyone have high blood pressure?” “Yes. My father and my grandfather.” “How was your period before you got on birth control?” “Heavy and painful.” I answered. For the first time, I didn’t want an answer, because the last thing I wanted to be wrong with me is fertility. The one reason why I decided to start trying earlier with my husband. She came back and did an ultrasound on me. “You’re definitely not pregnant.” Now I was just on the verge of tears. “And I see the cyst”. She stopped searching for what was going on inside of me and told me to clean up and come sit down with her. Okay, she looked at me, you might have PCOD but we have to do more tests to be sure. I looked at her and said “Yes, two family members have been diagnosed with that.” Since it’s not my mother or grandmother, I thought I was good. This shouldn’t be affecting me you know. It’s another gene that’s running in another blood line most likely.

Two weeks later. First test came back. I got a call from the doctor personally. “Okay this test came back okay, so you might not have PCOD.” I took a deep breath and exhaled quickly. Phew, that was close. I went back home ecstatic to tell my husband. She said I’m most likely good! I’m so happy, now we can definitely try again and hopefully next month I will be pregnant. But she said she’d call me back to confirm a few days later for the second batch of tests. I wasn’t sure how to feel, but knew that I was one thing at that time. And that was happy.

A few days later the phone rang. I picked up with absolutely no hesitation because I was waiting to just hear you’re clear. You’re good. “Yeah one of the tests came back borderline. You need to stop by and pick up a medication. It’s for diabetes. I will leave it at the front desk”. All that came out of my mouth was okay, okay…okay. My husband came home. I told him the doctor called. She said my sugar I guess was borderline, and I need to take medication. He said okay, but questioned what that meant. I looked at him and said I have no idea what this means. How did I all of a sudden go from maybe having PCOD to my blood sugar being off? I told him when we go to pick up the prescription, I need to go in and talk to her. He said okay. We got there and I asked them for just 5 minutes with the doctor, I need to get more clarification. Okay they said. 10 minutes later, the door opened and her nurse came out. She escorted us into the room and they doctor greeted us with a half-smile. I sat down, not sure how to begin to ask what she meant. “You told me I need to take this medication, why exactly? I didn’t understand when you called me today” “You have PCOD, so you need to take this to fix your hormones” she said. “Oh okay” deer-eyed I walked out. Another knot in my throat. My husband had no idea what she was just saying. He walked out saying “Okay good, baby you’re okay!” I looked at him and said “No, babe that’s not what she said. I’m not okay”.

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The Beginning

3 Nov

I really didn’t think that I would be diagnosed with PCOS at 23 years old. I’ve always loved children and knew one day I would want to have them. That one day was going to be early for me because as my husband and I discussed it, we wanted children pretty young. We got married and decided that we would wait about a year before trying to get pregnant. About 3 months into our marriage my husband opened the subject of children again. He told me he really wanted them soon, and we should at least start thinking about trying. After hearing that some of my family members had problems with fertility, I decided that its better safe than sorry to try and start having children. Meaning I would rather have kids earlier than that one year mark instead of waiting a year and finding out I have fertility issues. I have always had problems with my period when I was much younger before being put on birth control to help me with the pain and over bleeding. We decided to stop birth control and see what happens.

I gave my body about a month to get off of birth control properly before really trying everything possible to conceive. We read all those pregnancy blogs about tips and hints on how to higher your chances of getting pregnant sooner. By that point I had been a little scared to get pregnant right away and at the same time was really excited to hear the news that I was pregnant. I mean im 23 years old, the height of fertility; I am only bound to get pregnant right away, right?

That first month we tried our best to conceive, I didn’t get my period on time. I knew I was pregnant, I could just feel it. I didn’t have all the pregnancy symptoms, but I did have some that made me believe I must be pregnant. About 6 days before I was supposed to get my period (based on when I got it the month before) I got really bad pain in my lower right side. I thought it was definitely my appendix. The pain was so excruciating, I felt like something was bursting inside me. I woke my husband up telling him I can’t take the pain; I must go to the hospital. He had work in a few hours, so he called his brother to see if he was up and could take me. His brother came and picked me up about 10 minutes later and rushed to the ER. Hospitals in Kuwait are not like the U.S. where they have ER staff that could take of any emergency possible. They have specific hospitals for people that have serious injuries, and hospitals that just have doctors on staff, you come and get regular checkups etc. When I came into the ER which consisted of all 5 rooms and one general doctor there, I was placed in a room about 30 minutes after arriving. By that point the pain was getting a little worse. The doctor came in and did a checkup, asked a few questions. I then looked at him and told him I think it’s my appendix. He first sent me to a gynecologist, who decided to do an ultrasound to see if I was pregnant. My heart was beating so fast, I was wondering if I was going to get the news I wanted to hear so bad. I am pregnant. I knew my husband was going to be ecstatic. The doctor came in, put the cool gel on my lower abdomen and then rubbed the gel all over with the ultrasound machine. “You are not pregnant” she said. My heart sank into my stomach. I thought that those 25 days of trying so hard worked. I knew that my husband was going to be sad. I then thought to myself, maybe it’s too early to see a fetus. Could that be true? I made myself believe that there is still a chance that I could be pregnant, no matter how small the chance. The doctor then sent me back down to be diagnosed again with whatever pain I was feeling. The doctor decided that we needed another technician to come and get me checked out. After getting an ultra sound technician to come in in the middle of the night, they took me upstairs to get my pain checked out.

She walked in, and did the same thing the gynecologist did. Put the cool gel, spread the gel, and was judging what she was seeing. At that point I was tired, in pain, and emotionally bummed to say the least from what I had just heard. “Has anyone ever told you you have cysts in your right ovaries?” the technician asked. “No.” I responded quickly while surprised with her question. “Have you ever had pain in your sides before?” “Yes I have” I answered without knowing where exactly she was going with all these questions. They then sent my file back to my gynecologist who then looked at my file and came back in to talk to me. She walked in and said, I don’t know how I missed this, but apparently you might have a cyst in your right ovary. Might? What does might mean I asked myself. I was so frustrated with how confused everyone was there. Can someone just figure out why I’m in so much pain? “The good news is that it’s not your appendix. I will give you pain meds and you will need to make an appointment with a gynecologist here to get your cyst checked out.” She told me it shouldn’t be a problem, and it will go away by itself. I went home with the overwhelming feeling of what just happened.