Embarking On A New Journey

20 Nov

My wonderful WordPress family. I have embarked on a new journey to share my story and how I got healthier from PCOS through diet. Since I will not be writing on this page anymore, I would love for you to follow me onto my new chapter in my life at Confessionsofanorganicmama.wordpress.com

You have all been the closest to me throughout this journey, and I can’t imagine not having you share this new one as well. Please follow my posts, and I can then start following you through there, since I’m not sure how to link the profiles to add you. I would love to hear all your honest feedback as well, from all aspects of infertility as well as health. I will not only be discussing PCOS, but I will talk about women’s health in general, food, pregnancy and babies. Everyone will have an avenue to hear something that can benefit them whether they have children or not. Thank you again for always being there for me. Here is a link to my latest post: https://confessionsofanorganicmama.wordpress.com/2015/11/20/why-you-should-eliminate-canned-tomatoes/
Xoxo Zeina

Miss you friends 

9 Oct

I haven’t updated in so so long. So long is an understatement guys. I apologize for being such a bad blogger and friend (I see you all as my dear friends). There have just been too many changes and life is hectic as usual as you all know. I don’t have much time before I head to bed it’s already 12:15 (way past my bedtime) but since I keep forgetting to write I thought I’d take up the quick chance to at least let you all know how we’ve been. So you guys, I moved overseas back to US last year. My husband got his scholarship to continue his education, and thankfully was accepted somewhere close to our old home. It’s been nice to be back next to my family, but also totally miss kuwait and my in laws. Can I tell you all a secret? Since I’ve moved here and eat clean all organic, my periods have been regular. Like really really regular. To the point that when I went to kuwait this summer over 3 months, my period went haywire again and all outta wack, and when I came back on my healthy clean diet it went back to normal. 28-29 days normal. Never ever ever have I been that normal! I have been such a health advocate since then through my social media to help my friends and family know more about healthy and clean eating. I would be happy to share more of my regimen and what I eat and don’t eat with you guys if you’d like just let me know. I promise to be better and update so much more! Faye is doing amazingly well and healthy, and I am still nursing! It is religious for us to continue breastfeeding until 2 years to help give the baby the best immune system through the mom, so that’s my goal. I’ve never thought that I would get that far. I am happy about it and thankful for that blessing. She’s almost 22 months old, and time is flying. Here are some pictures 🙂 


Almost 5 months old!

21 May

Where has the time gone?! I think I’ve apologized enough times for being so behind, I’m actually just so embarrassed to apologize one more time. But I will, I’m so sorry! It’s been hectic, with traveling to the states and then coming back, it’s been quite am adjustment. We have a good amount to cover, so we’ll start with the little one.
She’s almost 5 months old now! She’s still trying to roll over (hasn’t quite mastered it yet), started taking her pacifier in and out of her mouth (she’s quite fascinated with this one, and loves doing it!). She looooves to sit and chit chat, and hear her cute little voice! She’s still exclusively breastfeeding, and is sleeping a good 5-6 hours, wakes up for a feeding and then goes back to sleep. She’s still sleeping next to us, but we are going to transition her into her crib sometime this month. I’m honestly kind of anxious about it. I’m so used to her being next to me, and being able to check on her anytime I want, and also, her being next to me makes that 6am feeding just so much easier for me, I don’t have to get out of bed and therefore I can just go back to sleep right away. I’m afraid that if I have to get up to feed her, I’ll have a really hard time going back to sleep. But, I know that this is a necessity, so I’m actually excited for her to start using her room finally!!! It’s been such a long process to get her finally to use her room that I worked so hard on decorating and preparing for her. I want to start putting her to sleep without her swaddle blanket soon, but she’s still waking up from her hands and she sits and cries so I don’t think she’s ready yet. We have decided to put off food until 6 months atleast because of allergies. And she’s still suffering from eczema. It’s obvious that it’s from my food, because when I’m able to cut out dairy 100% she heals up after a few weeks. But let’s be honest, it’s so damn difficult to cut it out completely! So unfortunately it’s just a back and forth with that one. Here are some photos




We also had a family photo shoot while we were visiting the states




I feel like life has flown by. I have decided not to go back to work for many reasons, but my main reason is to be home to take care of her. I wish I could go back to working and not feel guilty, but I don’t think I can manage that for a little while. It’s been a really difficult decision for me to make. Sometimes I wish I could be as strong as the other working moms, and be able to get back normally to my old life, but transitions are hard for me, and I think the transition into motherhood has been the most difficult one for me yet. I promise I’ll try not to take as long next time to update, I just kept putting it off because I knew that I was so behind, and was just embarrassed to update so late!


2 Months!

6 Mar

Every post begins the same way lately, it’s been so long! Lol I’m sorry ladies, it’s always crazy hectic, and I think my daily anxieties don’t make it any better for me, but slowly and surely I’m getting used to motherhood. I don’t even remember what the last update was, so I’ll just let you know how things have been going. Faye is doing great size wise. Last appointment she was a bit over 11 pounds, and still is growing wonderfully. She’s a big girl, and is already almost out of her 3 month old clothes. In the past few weeks she has started smiling at us, recognizing her daddy and I in between the rest of his family. When it’s me and someone else in the room, she looks at me, and I must say that makes me very happy ☺️ especially since I’m her mommy and do everything for her! Yay finally paying off. She has started saying aghoo and cooing and talking, and she actually makes me laugh because a lot of times she will yell at us. What a tough little girl. I’m pretty sure that will cause me stress in the future, but I just love that I’ve got a tough little one. I mean it’s so obvious though, her embryo stood out from the rest, she survived our little hit incident when she was a few months in my belly, and truly, she’s nothing but a fighter. I’m a proud mommy. We’ve still had some slight issues with constipation, and cradle cap. She’s had dry skin and sweet rash, she’s a hot little one! She’s gets fussy and hot really easily, and hates being warm. She did get sick with a cold virus last week, and is still in the process of getting over it, and she has also passed it along to daddy and I. It happened right before her vaccination schedule on the 2nd of March, on my birthday and since she was sick we decided to wait until she got better to vaccinate. We still haven’t. Unfortunately, I received word two days ago that there have been issues with the vaccines here, that they have found a higher amount than normal mercury in them and they have them put on hold. I believe it is a form of a blessing that she got sick so we can get to the bottom of it, even though at the time I was so upset. I was worried it being her first virus, and it’s a tough one. I’m not sure what we will do now, and there’s quite a possibility that we will wait until we travel to the states to give her the vaccinations. Problems arising are, traveling without the vaccines and not knowing who has what on the plane. Having her take the vaccinations at 3 months, when she also has 4 month vaccinations, and them being too close together in time. I still have no idea what to do, your personal opinions would be much much appreciated!


This picture was taken on my birthday. We are still trying to have a normal schedule, but it’s still difficult, changing within a few hours back and forth everyday. It all depends on her fussiness and eating that particular day. I hope that within two weeks we can have a standard schedule that she can go by everyday to make life easier and make going out less of a hassle. She still sleeps through the night, wakes up and plays, go back to sleep, wakes up to eat, usually a three hour gap in between, but at around 5-8 she wants to feed almost every hour, and I just don’t understand it. She would have just finished feeding as usual, and starts crying uncontrollably for milk. Has anyone else had that? This is the only time that is throwing off the entire schedule for us and I’m not sure how to fix it. When I push her to wait it becomes a torturous war between us, and in the end I feel really bad, and usually end up giving in.


She’s not a fan of tummy time, she’s squirms and gets really fussy and upset, but i still try to put her for a few minutes at a time every few days to have her practice. We’re still at my inlaws, and now that I feel like I’m ready to go home and take on the responsibility 100%, they requested that we stay atleast one more month. I have no problem with that. Infact I think things are easier here for both of us, but at the same time with my OCD and anxiety, I need my home the way I set it all up. I want her things where I had prepared them. I want to have my place organized the way I love, and there are positives and negatives to both places for sure. We plan on traveling to dc in April, but I’m thinking maybe one and a half more weeks or so and well head back, it’s only about time. They are also spoiling her more than I want, picking her up as soon as she cries, and I feel awkward letting her cry a bit because they think I’m torturing her haha. They don’t really believe in helping the baby learn to soothe themselves to sleep, and now she’s starting to be really high maintenance. I need to gain control over that situation again before it becomes out of control.

As for my recovery, c section incision is much better. Not visible of wearing a bathing suite, but the belly is still there. I look about 2 months and a half pregnant. I have about 10 more pounds to lose to at least fit into my pre pregnancy pants, and id love to do that before we go visit because I’m planning a family photo shoot. With that being said, I don’t diet and will not diet, but I will try to watch my junk food munching more often because that’s what’s leading to my weight stability at this stage. There also needs to be some form of work out done to gain back the strength in my tummy muscles, but I’m thinking of waiting until I go visit and take yoga classes there, because here they are ridiculously expensive and not as good.


I hope that within the next few weeks I can hear her laughing while awake (it’s currently only happening when she’s sleeping). I hope I can figure out this vaccine issue, and that her really dry skin can get a little better. I hope that this schedule can be fixed by the time we fly as well, to make our traveling a bit easier. In the meantime, I will leave you all with one last picture


Faye’s 1st Month Update

9 Feb

A month and a half later I am updating! Ha! I am happy to say that she is doing okay. She breast feeds exclusively, and it’s been such a struggle for both of us. I’ve been trying to keep up with eating enough so that my supply doesn’t slow down, but in between feeding I have to choose between eating, sleeping, showering or just plain resting. It’s really difficult. I am happy at least to say her weight gain is normal and on point. She has had gas as most babies do, and we had a little scare with her jaundice. It had been going away and then all of a sudden started having constipation and when we checked at the doctors it had gone up. After a few diet changes her stomach returned to normal and the jaundice started going away again. I decided against giving her vitamin D supplements because I had read a lot about it being barbed abnormally in our bodies, and does more harm than good. I need to start taking her out in the sun soon but as soon as our cold wave is over. This is another thing that I wonder if I’m making the right decision or not. She also had an infection in her right eye, which then healed up well after dripping a few drops of breast milk in her eyes for a few days. Also opted against antibiotics. So far It’s been hard trying to keep her on a schedule, but I’m still working on it. Here are a few picture updates




New Mommy Must Haves

9 Feb

I wanted to give all the new mommas to be my personal opinion on must haves that have saved me so far! This will be a short and sweet version.

-Boob-ease organic nipple cream

This has by far been my favorite purchase! Older folks will tell you to apply olive oil on your nipples for the soreness and pain, now this just makes it a much easier gel! And can I mention my love for it being organic?! Applying something to your nipples that can enter your body or the baby’s, I just love that it’s all natural and all organic. It’s an amazing save, esp those first few weeks of excruciating pain. It got to a point that it would help her latch on better, and the best part? Doesn’t need to be washed off! Forget that lanolin shit.

-Organic cotton breast pads

Comfortable. Durable. Soft. Need I say more?

-Medela Freestyle Breast Pump

If you are planning on breast feeding exclusively, or even partially, this will be your best friend. I reiterate, your best friend. When your milk comes in those first few days, your breasts will become engorged. It will be one of the most uncomfortable things you’ll ever experience. Add to it a crying baby that cannot latch on properly? Simply pump half of it out so that your baby can latch on easily! Wish I knew that beforehand so don’t forget to take the pump with you to the hospital. Best part of it? Sign up for emails through bed bath and beyond and you’ll get 20% off! It is one of the best things I’ve spent my money on, and I still use it everyday to up the amount of milk I am making, and to give me a break from feeding sometimes!

-Avent soothie pacifier

Her favorite. She puts herself to sleep with this pacifier! Lifesaver!

These are my absolute must haves! Everything else has been just okay. Hope this helps any new mommys to be!


9 Feb

Where to begin. It’s been a lot to take in. Let’s start with saying that luckily, I know I’ve had a pretty easy baby. I’ve had a lot of help, and quite honestly I don’t know where I would be without it. The only thing that’s been really difficult are my roller coaster hormones and emotions. I’m sad to admit, I’ve had depression while I was pregnant. I don’t know what it is, being away from my family, from my long time home, from my friends, the hormones…I’m not really sure. My hormones have been the devil inside of me quite honestly. Ever since I’ve gotten off of birth control, it’s just never ever been the same. I reminisce about the days where I was happy with my life, my body didn’t have all these crazy changes, and life was pretty much normal. Even after pregnancy, I don’t know why it’s also been off. Now here I am again, postpartum, and I’m getting my period after one and a half months. And I was bleeding for about a month after delivery. I had maybe a few days free of bleeding since I’ve delivered. The hormones. They are at it again. I am slightly depressed, some days I’m ok and some days I’m just so sensitive about everything and I can’t hold back the tears. It’s been so unbelievably difficult because I feel like I’m in this deep dark hole that I’m not really sure when I’ll get out of it. It’s been almost 2 years now of this, and I’m just tired. I’m tired and frustrated because I’m not enjoying motherhood as much as I should. I want more, I want all I’ve ever dreamed and wished for to be enjoyed. It’s not fair for her or for me. A few of you have mentioned a progesterone only pill that helps. I just wonder if they have it here. I wonder if it will effect my breast milk, and I wonder if I have the heart to start taking it. Some days I feel like I need help, and some days I feel scared and say no I can do this on my own. Yesterday I started reading about vaccines becaus we are fast approaching that 2 month vaccine time, and I started crying. I grabbed her and held her so tightly. Will my decision on your vaccinations affect your life forever or not? Should I not overthink it and just go with the flow and pray every single day that you continue to grow and thrive and communicate well. Or should I fight it, and read more? The problem is we travel overseas, will I forgive myself if she contracts something deadly and again gets effected for the rest of her life? What to do? I just kept crying. I couldn’t sleep, and I’m still so scared till now and forever will be. 1 in 4 I think now is diagnosed with autism. My heart aches for these decisions, and the fear of hurting her without realizing. New moms, can you please tell me what you have done? What are your personal opinions on this?

Mixed Bag of Emotions

5 Feb

Please forgive me for not getting back to each of you yet. It’s been really hectic and busy, if love to find even 5 minutes for myself to relax. Lots has happened in the last month and half or so. I’ve been getting used to motherhood, adjusting from the hormones, the weight and body changes, and getting used to my daughter and trying to figure out her personality from what she likes and doesn’t. My parents left, and last but not least I moved into my in laws house. It’s taken some time to adjust to all the changes (and I’m not sure whether that many changes is good or bad), but so far I’ve been ok. Hormones are wack! Reminds me of my infertility days. The shots, the pills, and the downright low levels that made me so blue. Some days I’m good, and some days I feel unattached and really sad. This has been hard. It’s been hard trying to figure out hoe my body will be after all has been said and done. I’m not sure if breast feeding is enough to adjust my hormone levels or I need help. And what kind of help can I get either way? Birth control cuts off your milk completely, so I guess I will try to just stick it out on my own. Ahh motherhood, what can I say. It’s a beautiful, beautiful thing, and I’m oh so grateful for the most precious gift one can get, but it’s a mixed bag of emotions in the beginning. I will save that for the next post, and will create a new post just on my daughter and how she’s adjusting soon. But for now I wanted to leave you with a little something since I’ve been Mia for so long. Please forgive dear friends, will update soon xo

Faye’s Birth Story

16 Jan

It all started when I went for my 38 week check up with my mother, which was on Sunday the 29th of December. The doctor told me that my cervix was about 1 dilated, and due to her being an ivf baby they would prefer having her around 38-39 weeks. She said that she would be happy to induce me that same day, unless I wanted to wait longer, which had to be one week, then we could induce. I had to either give birth that day or a week after because of New Years, and the fact that the hospital would be packed and the insurance wouldn’t pay for her birth at all. After discussing it a bit further, I decided to induce that night simply because I wanted my mom to be there as long as possible in the beginning to help me. Off to the house we went to grab my bag and head to the hospital. We were so sxcited, yet nervous! We got there around 10:30pm, and my mother in law and husbands aunt met us at the hospital. With my mother by my side, I was ready to get things rolling. My husband was to come after a few hours to check in on how I was doing. They put the first medicine in to ripen up my cervix even more, and help dilate me to 3cm in order to start pitocin. The first few hours went by, and the contractions began. I was adamant about keeping it as natural as possible. I knew that I was inducing, but that was as far as medical intervention as I had wanted for her birth. As the contractions got longer and closer together, his aunt kept telling me to use the gas mask, but I refused until I couldn’t handle the pain anymore, and until then I was holding on strong. I wanted to feel every pain, every single thing my body needed to do to bring this miracle into the world. After IVF, pain wasn’t something I was afraid of. The first medication didn’t work, 3 hours later they put the second one. The second one didn’t work, 4 hours later they put the third one. Then they stopped to see what would happen. The contractions kept coming, and were way past the level needed to push, yet my cervix was stuck at 1cm. Not even a drop of blood. Nothing had changed. At that point I refused the epidural and was using only the gas mask. I was passing out from the pain and had a complete out of body experience from the gas mask. When I would gain consciousness I would see a few seconds of what is happening around me and then I would pass out again. After 12 hours of excruciating contractions and no changes, I was crying in between when I would wake up, and beg for my husband which was stuck in traffic on the way to the hospital because he had to pick up my grandmother, brother and father. I could barely utter a word from the pain, and a few times I would wake up and see others around me crying. Things were getting so tough, and my family had to make the decision for me to do a c section. I remember crying saying no, that I wanted to wait longer, but my doctor told me that it’s almost 1pm the next day, and they had been leaving me for far too long now. For the safety of the baby and I, we had to do it now. They waited until my husband arrived, and then took me in to prep for the c section. They wouldn’t let my husband in, and we opted for general anesthesia. After being completely exhausted from the labor pains, yet no movement, I couldn’t bare being in the operating room alone. I also was afraid that they would do an epidural wrong on me. I will tell you, I honestly thought I was dying. I had never experienced so much pain to the point that it kept making me pass out, and the out of body experience was so traumatizing, it felt like my soul was leaving my body. At that point I wasn’t thinking about having her, I was thinking about how I’m leaving my husband and my child. That was the only thing that kept making me cry for him, I didn’t want it to happen without him there. It seems crazy that labor could do this to someone, and as I’m writing it I’m wondering if anyone will even believe that this is true, but to be quite honest with you, I know it was bad when everyone around me experienced the same trauma as I did, and that it wasn’t just all in my head and body. I remember when they wheeled me into the OR, in between passing out, I saw my husband holding my hand and crying. This was so tough, and thinking of it now bring tears to my eyes.
I woke up 2 hours later, in my room with my family around me. My daughter had already been washed and cleaned, and everyone got to meet her. That day, I was in and out of consciousness as well. I don’t remember half of it.
As much as I thank God everyday for her safe delivery, I feel so utterly guilty about it. Guilty enough to cry because of it, guilty enough to feel like I failed my first step into motherhood. Was it the right choice to induce right then? If we hadn’t induced then, would I have needed to induce later anyways? She was brought into the world, in the arms of strangers, not onto the chest of her mother. She drank formula for the first day, instead of colostrum from my breasts. She had no idea where I was, and I left her because I didn’t even comprehend that I had had her, from all of the pain medications I was given. Almost two and a half weeks later, I am so glad looking back, that it is all over. The trauma will live in me forever, and now it makes me terrified about having another child. I try not to think too far into the future, and thank God for her safe welcome into this world. Yet this guilt, will live in me forever.

My Life

6 Jan


She’s arrived! Faye came into this world on December 30th, at 1:45pm. After a failed induction, and an emergency c-section, she entered this world safe and sound. It’s been crazy busy and hectic with my family arriving, and her joining us, so I will write more about her birth later. In the mean time, I wanted to wish you all a happy new year, and may this year be the lucky year for all of you my dear friends xoxo