6 1/2 Week Ultrasound

Today was my ultrasound, and I can say that it was an interesting/trying day. I couldn’t sleep at all the night before, and kept waking up every few hours from my anxiety and worry about whether my baby will be alive or not. Also, a few days prior my father had a scare with skin cancer (not had, still has, and it has not been ruled out), so I have been even more on edge and feeling out of control. I woke up that morning and headed there with my mom and sister in law, which I can completely say us like the sister I never had, which is amazing. We got there, I asked if I could Skype my husband and they said go ahead. Ofcourse, him and I have been a nervous wreck waiting to see the ultrasound. He went to a cafe next to his work (he had just gotten off) in order to get better Internet for our Skype date. Ofcourse, kuwait Internet failed us. Yay. Doctor came in, observed the scan, and even though that specific machine couldn’t let us hear the heartbeat, we could see it. And I couldn’t believe my eyes, I’m still trying to take it in. My sister in law had recorded the whole thing- incase what happened with my husband would, which it did, and I sent him the video right away. It was one baby, not two, which makes the last scan still questionable. Here is where I was left worried sick: the heartbeat was 109. I looked at the tech and said umm isn’t that low? She said no, it’s fine, we look for anything above 100. But for some reason I couldn’t stomach it, and I knew I just wouldn’t. I will be another nervous wreck until the 31st, and I really just wanted some peace, that I havnt gotten a chance to have. I also did a urine analysis since I’m having uti symptoms, lovely. But on another good note…I have graduated from progesterone shots!! Those damn things hurt like a mother effer and truly left my backside sore. After dropping off 4 full boxes of used needles, please…don’t pass me anymore. But I will tell you one thing, those vaginal inserts are absolutely disgusting. The discharge from them looks the same as a yeast infection. There’s no running away from lovely old progesterone! But still…please pass it on all the way, because its supposedly doing the one thing my body fails at, which is protecting my baby. In the meantime, I will pack, get ready to head back to kuwait while I still sit and google and worry about that 109 heartbeat. Did she count it right? Was it because I could barely eat anything that morning? Was it anything I did to the baby without realizing? Oh my little nugget, mommy prays for you every single second of everyday. Please keep growing, and please let your tiny little heart get stronger and stronger. I’m doing everything I can, and eating everything that I can to have you be a healthy little baby. I love you.